As previously mentioned, I keep a gratitude journal.  I've been looking back on some entries.  Stereotypically-speaking, judging by my handwriting and these following entries, you would think I possessed a Y-chromosome.

12/7/12: I am grateful for the free donuts that happened at Wyview this morning.

12/6/12: I am grateful Wendy's has a dollar menu.

12/5/12: I am grateful that I now have clean underwear.

12/5/12: I am grateful that I finally got to watch Bourne Legacy...

12/3/12: I am also grateful that we discovered that Burgers Supreme is not that awful...and for their incredible cheese fries and Oreo shake.

11/30/12: I am grateful for the free pizza at work.

11/28/12: I am grateful that my ghetto stitching job I did on the hole in my blanket is holding up.

11/26/12: I am grateful...that we got to eat with Isabel and Mariangel right after I got off the bus.

11/25/12: I mean, how many roommates hold your hair back while you're puking?  (Well, if it's not a frat party.)

11/22/12: I am grateful for the food.

Yet, just after you're picturing a beer belly and a hairy chest, I say something way too girly for comfort.

12/2/12: I am grateful...that we got to watch Dear John...

12/1/12: I am grateful for how adorable he is.

11/30/12: I am grateful my girls helped me choose an outfit...

11/29/12: I am grateful I had the money to get the Revlon lipstick I've wanted to get for a long time.

11/26/12: I am grateful I got to sit next to (insert boy's name here) on the bus ride to campus.

11/26/12: I am grateful that I got to see...creamery guy twice tonight...

11/20/12: I am grateful I got to paint my nails.

11/18/12: I am grateful that Amelia did my eyebrows and that Mariangel let me borrow some nail polish.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a walking contradiction of gender stereotypes.

An Angel

There are a lot of women in this world that I aspire to be, but there is one on the other side of the veil that I can only dream of becoming anything like.  A year ago today the most beautiful daughter of God I have ever met returned to her home in Heaven, from from the illness that was a part of her entire life, but that she never let define her life.

I often think of her on my dimmer days; I think of how she quite literally lit up a room.  She was and continues to be the most genuine and caring human being I have ever met.  I cannot even eloquently describe the impact she had on so many in her tiny life here on earth in her tiny earthly body.  It was a privilege I will never truly deserve to have had her in my life to inspire me and to show me what potential I have and how important each and every one of us are.  Her compliments came often and were never insincere. Her laugh was contagious and her testimony was inspiring to say the least.  Sometimes I still go back to my old journals that have notes from her lessons and I cannot help to cry, not because I am saddened, but that I am grateful to have known an angel.

I know she is bringing about her Heavenly Father's work on the other side, just as she did on this side of the veil.  There are days when I miss her so much and I just want to talk to her about everything and nothing all at once, but I know she is safe and I  know she is so very happy.  Heavenly Father blessed me more than I will ever deserve by placing Robin and her husband in my life.  Yet another thing I will be forever indebted to Him for; yet another reason I have to be grateful.

"And Jesus listening can hear,

The songs I cannot sing."

Hallmark Card

It's always a bright and shining moment when you're making a snowman on your roommate's car to surprise her and she and her boyfriend walk out of your dorm, thinking someone is trying to hijack her car.

Yes, my beloveds.  It snowed today.  The first real, non-slushy snow.  Not only did it snow today, but it snowed ALL day.  No stops for nothin'.  It was like all my dreams had come true (plus, I saw Brave for the first time, which means all my dreams did come true).  I got hot chocolate mix just as the grocery store was closing and I called my best friend back home.  He described what I was expressing as an "elated rapture" of sorts.  That is exactly what took place.

As previously stated, Christmas is my absolute favorite of the holidays.  It has a magic and a unique beauty to it that no other holidays quite express for me.  The only piece of Christmas that I have never been able to experience, though, has been that wonder that is the floating ice that dances across the sky and makes its way down to earth to cover it with a glistening white blanket; each stitch filled with a gentle joy.  Snow.

(I feel like I just wrote a Hallmark card.)

The only other times I have ever experienced snow have meant slushies of water, but this was different.  This was completely different.

I saw it.  I literally frolicked in it, and -- I promise you -- woodland creatures were singing as I did so.  It was incredible.  I am five years old and it was incredible.  It took everything within me not to plop down and make a snow angel right then and there.

As I stood ankle-deep in snow for an hour or so tonight, just marveling at this heaven-sent wonder, everything was beautiful in the world.  It was illuminated with a comfort.  All was well.

Lead, Kindly Light

This song is ringing true to my heart today.  Our Heavenly Father's view is always greater than ours.  If we just trust Him and put our life in His and Christ's hands, they will lead us to the place that will bring the greatest peace and an amount of joy that is incomprehensible to our mortal view.

My favorite version:



1. Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

2. I was not ever thus, nor pray’d that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path;but now,
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will.
Remember not past years.

(3. So long thy pow’r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!)

6 Weeks, 3 Days

I love holidays in general by an abnormal amount.  You can usually find me on Valentine's Day wearing blinding amounts of red; my Halloween costume is usually planned about eleven months in advance; and I may not pinch you on St. Patty's day when you're not wearing green, but be prepared for some traumatizing scolding.  Of all the holidays, though, Christmas is my absolute favorite.   I just feel this sense of magic once December roles around and the world is alighted, literally and figuratively.  It's also a celebration of one of my favorite people to ever exist, the Savior of the World.

However, Christmas takes on a whole new meaning this year.  I will have been away from home for six months (HALF A YEAR) almost to the date as I fly in to Jacksonville's airport.  I will be reunited with my childhood, and the best part of my childhood: my best friend, my mom.  I will be reunited with the wonderfully awful humidity and the sounds of the city.  I will be able, for a brief moment in time, to escape from the realities of "growing up" and become the me that I was for seventeen of my eighteen years.  I will be able to see friends and family that I haven't seen for an eternity.  I will be able to hear terrible grammar and be fond of it. I will be able to walk into a real WalMart where I fear for my life.  The street crossing buttons won't be weird and I will have the smell of the sea just a few miles away.

I am living for that day, six weeks and 3 days away, where I will be reunited with home.  My home.

Gratitude Journal

I am a sucker for procrastination and this blog does not lessen the enticement of said p word.

Today was another school day.  Another day where I wanted to cry for lack of understanding how and when to study for my two tests that I need to take by Thursday.  I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and watch a movie.

Part of the reason I have been lacking in the blogging department was because I used it as an excuse to not journal.  I felt like if I blogged one day, that meant I didn't have to journal that day too.  I don't want to get carpal tunnel for goodness' sake!  Since ceasing the consistent blogging, I can proudly say I have been super consistent in my journaling.  This is actually the longest length of time that I have been consistent in my efforts to journal.  Sleep or homework or reading a book after reading my scriptures was always so much more appealing to me as I was growing up.  No one would want to read my journals, right?  What is the point of them?

I'm not the world's most fantastic writer and my journal entries can get pretty lengthy due to my obsession to let my posterity know every detail of my every day, but journaling daily has really helped me better express my thoughts and it  has helped me develop a better perspective of my every day doings.

As far as content, though, I have really been putting forth effort to keep the entries short and sweet.  I have heard a million times about gratitude journals for those who never know what to write, but being the me who writes way too much, I just never digested the idea.  However, at a fantastic campus Tuesday Devotional, I was inspired by the speaker's talk of gratitude and his mention of a gratitude journal.  I took a step back and realized while it's always fun to read about the every day lives of my ancestors, what I love most is reading about the happiness of their days.  I'm not saying I want my children thinking I'm perfect and never struggle, but I also want them to know that life is so much more rewarding when we think back on our day and realize all the beautiful things that filled it.

I am going to try to balance blogging and journaling, but no promises.  I am grateful, though, that I live in a world where I can reach out to so many through the technology available.  We truly live in  great and marvelous times.

Divine Struggle

Woah.  I have definitely been M.I.A. these past few months.  All apologies.*

For some reason, Sundays always seem like the perfect day to blog.  I gain this spiritual high from church and then I feel like I can do anything and creativity and thought just feel so abundant for some reason.

Anywho, life has been a bit crazy in my neck of the woods.  As previously mentioned, I am taking classes that are stretching my limits of sanity and I also work basically all weekend every weekend. The thing is, though, I honestly don't mind it one bit.  That sounded super self-righteous, but it has taken me quite some time to get to this point.  A couple of breakdowns and a talk with my mommy later, I have reached that point we reach once a trial has been faced and dealt with with the help of the Lord (and in my case my personal Wonder Woman: my mother).  It's that point of perspective where we have finally reached that light at the end of the tunnel and realize, "Holy crap.  That was totally worth it."  It's worth it because of the fact that we finally see our growth.  We finally realize that whatever trial we overcame has made us progress that much more in our divine progression; we are that much closer to becoming what our Heavenly Father created us to become; we are that much closer to Him and the Savior; we are that much closer to being worthy of our Heavenly Home, and that moment of realization is worth every ounce of sorrow and suffering.

Inspiration from here:

Time Heals Nothing

* I hope that song is now stuck in your head.