I like to think I'm a creative person.

I have been planning my birthday parties since I was about four (with a different theme every year).  Almost everyday when I was little I created costumes out of anything and everything I could find in my bedroom (and maybe I still do).  I devour the Pinterest boards and random blogs that I follow that have allowed me to create my future home (which will be bursting with color and quaint knick knacks).  I sometimes make videos for the internet that take a lot of time and an even greater amount of thought (despite the fact that they may prove otherwise).

I have actually chosen to make creativity my business (literally).

I am an English major, but oh, how I neglect my writing time.

I don't write nearly as much as I wish I did.  I created this blog and so many others before it to fix this problem, but life gets in the way or that creativity that I think is flowing through my veins at a million miles a minute just runs dry.  Maybe it's just because I'm too lazy to do the countless edits that I want to do to every post.  Maybe it's the fact that sometimes I just don't think I'm a very good writer.

Whatever the excuse may be for all the times I have failed in the past, I am committing this time.  For the entire month of August I will be writing a letter every day.  The thought of writing letters is not as intimidating to me as writing posts.  Writing posts entails dreading whoever will read it and whatever they may think. It entails endlessly trying to think of little quips and metaphors that people will think I'm a genius for coming up with, when really I got half of the idea from something some amazing person in my life said.

I will be writing letters to August.  I will be treating the month as an entity itself -- an entity that is an old friend.  It will not be as scary for me as Blogging Every Day in August/April/October/Whenever.

I got this idea from watching this project unfold.

It's going to be a test for me and probably for anyone who reads these letters (sorry in advance), but for the love of Nutella it is going to happen.  Even when the creativity has run completely dry and I think there's not a drop left, I will hold tight until that drop drips.

Sandy Solace

I have never loved the beach.

I know it's beautiful.  I know it is a place of relaxation and solace.  It is a place to feel the sun kiss our skin with its warmth and to have the ocean wash away our worries, but oh my goodness.  I cannot for the life of me like it no matter how hard I try.

I never appreciated how close I have always lived to the beach until I was far away from it in landlocked Utah.  (Isn't that how it always goes?)  Every time I've been home I have so wanted to go to the familiar beaches of childhood, but once I get there I rediscover my dislike.  I don't get why or how I can't love this beautiful creation God has blessed me with, so don't ask.  It's just always been that way, even when I was a baby.

The mountains are where my solace lies.  I feel God's power in the mountains.  I feel the strength He has that He can grant me when I need it.  I have always kind of felt that the mountains represented God's great power  and majesty while the ocean represented His peace and comfort (even if the sand in my bathing suit bottoms distracted me from feeling that peace and comfort sometimes).  I can appreciate the beauty of the beach and that symbol that it is of peace, but the beauty of the mountains seeps into my heart and leaves me in awe.

So, on the Fourth of July when the plan was to go to the St. Augustine Beach with the family in the morning I was not exactly thrilled.  I had slight excitement ringing in my mind because it had been awhile since I'd been to the beach, but the excitement did not ring as loud as my knowledge that I would not love it and I would feel bad for not loving it.

It was a special Fourth of July in the fact that it was the interim time between my Aunt Chris' death and her funeral.  We all just wanted a day free of hurting.  We wanted to celebrate as Chris would have wanted us to.  So, we did.  I told myself I would like the beach that day no matter how much I had to lie to myself.  My family would be there and that would be enough for me to like it.  End of story.

I got out of the car and headed toward our little spot in the sand.  As we were setting up camp, I looked out at the ocean and I suddenly felt that familiar feeling of God's love.  I felt the gentleness of His comfort as others do when they see the eternity of His ocean.  It seeped into my heart as the mountains always do.  It was probably only for that day that I loved the beach, but it was a day I will be forever grateful for.  In the middle of our week of tears and heartache, God was there for my family on that beach as we celebrated not just our country's freedom, but our family's eternity.

On that day, even as the afternoon thunderstorms rolled in, all was well with my soul.

Peace in Loss

I absolutely love to serve those around me.  I'm not sure that there is anything that makes me more happy than to find some way to help someone in need.  It is the greatest therapy.  While I am a-okay with being on the giving side of service, I'm always a little hesitant (and probably a little prideful) when I'm on the receiving end.  It's an obstacle that I have really been trying to overcome.  So, it is with that thought in mind that I am writing this blog post.

Last night my Aunt Chris (my dad's oldest sister) passed away.  It was the most surreal experience of my life.  I have had others who were close to me pass away throughout my life, but when I have had family members pass away I was too young to understand the gravity of the situation or even remember much of the experience at all.

Chris had been in the hospital on and off for a couple of months.  Yesterday morning it looked like things were looking up, but then she took a turn for the worst.  I am so grateful to have been so close to home for the summer, and that I felt prompted to ask my mom to come pick me up to take me to St. Augustine to be with my family.  It was an emotional night for all of us, but it was one where I felt so much peace in the knowledge that I have of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Phrases like "eternal families" and "His plan" were used without hesitation, and I felt so much comfort in that.

While I will miss my aunt's sweet heart and immense love, I know this is not the end for her.  I know Heavenly Father needs her now more than we do here.  I know we will meet again.

I am going to suck up my pride and just ask that you simply keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.

Chris had a tender, Christ-like love about her that it will be hard to be without for awhile, but it is a comfort to know that it is only for awhile.

Summer Livin'

Things I have learned so far this summer:

1) Always get the warranty.
    a. If you're going to let your phone break, make sure it's before the
        warranty is up.
2) Never drink Florida tap water.
3) Always feed the missionaries.

If you're out of my loop, I am doing the Disney College Program this summer.  I started April 28th and the first couple of weeks were kind of rough with all the training and adjusting, but I finally feel settled into my routine at work and my life for the summer here in Orlando (which is almost halfway over already!).

I was lucky enough to get roommates that all go to BYU or BYU-I, which was a big weight off my shoulders.  I mean, I would have been happy to live with people who aren't members of the church, but I have never actually had that experience. Well, I did have one roommate my freshman year that wasn't a member, but she ended up getting baptized and was already living the same kind of lifestyle as a member.  So...

I really have grown to love these girls, though.  It's great that we're all LDS, but it's even greater that we're all LDS with the same goofy personalities.

Another great thing about these ladies is the fact that collectively they came with a car (because taking the bus everywhere becomes claustrophobic and painful), a water purifier (because Florida water is Satan's water), and a love for Chick Fil A (because everyone should possess such love).

The car has also come in handy when I have done the graceful things that I do like forget to get extra ingredients for that extra batch of something and when I accidentally drop my phone on the kitchen floor and it refuses to show its usual screen.

Another great thing about these gals is that they love missionary work.  We are fortunate enough to be in an awesome ward with awesome missionaries.  Our elders have the weird assignment of only being able to teach those in the Disney College Program.  So, they're around our apartments all the time and we have fed them twice in the past two weeks.

The second meal we had called for me being in charge of desserts.  I went big and tried these Mini Nutella Cheesecakes out for size.  They were delicious, but they were not very delicious to the eyes.

(The whipped cream melted shortly thereafter.)

(Cassie on the left was in charge of lemonade; Laurel on right was working on the salad)

As a gift we got the elders cereal.  I probably should preface that by explaining the first time they came over for dinner, we jokingly told them that we made them cereal.  We also thought it would be appropriate to wrap the cereal boxes in bright pink wrapping paper and complete with a pink fluffy bow.  I think they appreciated it.

It's been a great summer thus far.  I work a lot of hours, but when I have some days off or a few hours of freedom, I get to spend that time with these incredible people, and that's all I could ever really ask for.

Happy Mother's Day

During an exhaustingly early shift, an intense headache, an embarrassingly late arrival to church, and in interacting with these incredible people I've met so far on the Disney College Program I thought of my mom today.

I thought about how hard she works, even on her days off, to ensure my safety, well-being, and happiness.  I thought of her warm hugs always ready to let me in.  I thought of her immense faith and love for the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I thought of the person she has always made me want to be -- her.

I have a mom who has always supported and participated in the growth of my imagination.
I have a mom who loves me completely in every word and deed.
I have a mom who encourages and strengthens my sensitive heart.
I have a mom who taught me to look up when I felt my head and heart hanging low.
I have a mom who scared away all the bad dreams and now helps me brace all the bad realities.
I have a mom who knows and loves me to the ends of time.
I have a mom that taught me to have confidence in myself.
I have a mom that taught me to have confidence in and love for others.
I have a mom who is my best friend, my best cheerleader, and my greatest confidante.
I have a mom who taught me to find beauty in the crazy mess that life can be.
I have a mom who taught me the importance of adventure.
I have a mom who taught me the greatest dance moves known to mankind.
I have a mom who showed me the beautiful vibrancy in being passionate about the things you love.
I have a mom who is the perfect mom for me.

I hope someday I can be just like you, mommy, because you're pretty and I love you.

Happy Mother's Day to the greatest mom I could ever ask for.

I Know It

When I was three years old, my oldest cousin served his mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Mexico.  I obviously don't have much recollection of him leaving, but I do remember when he came home he had an intense tan, was speaking English in a Spanish accent, and I was completely convinced he was now Mexican (because that's how my five year old mind worked).  On top of noticing his change in ethnicity, I noticed a change in the way he carried himself, a change to a person confident in his faith in and testimony of Christ.  I do not remember a whole lot about the boy my cousin was before he served his mission, but upon his return I have always admired the man he became and continues to become.  He was really my first example as to what it was to want to serve the Lord as a missionary and what a blessing it was to do so.  When he came back from his mission, I distinctly remember sitting in the car thinking about these things and how I wanted to be just like him.  I wanted to serve a mission.  I wanted to do all that the Lord needed me to do to help all those I could.  Of course, this was all in a less refined, more toddler-minded process of thinking.  I mean, I was a pretty weird kid, but I wasn't quite at that level of maturity yet.

I had always kept this determination to serve in the back of my mind, but 21 always seemed an age that was so out of reach.  I went on with life as human beings do.  I grew up, I had my trials of faith, I developed my own testimony; and with that development of testimony, I grew more in my desire to share the gospel as a full-time missionary.  I tried to be a missionary by example in my high school where I was the only member and I tried to be a missionary to my friends and family who had fallen away from the church.  I was nowhere near perfect at it, but my desire to share the joy of the gospel of Jesus Christ still burned bright.

So, when the announcement of the age change was made in October 2012, I felt such comfort and gratitude.  I felt the hopes of my five year old self becoming a reality.  I prayed and fasted about it for a couple of months and felt promptings back and forth about going.  I attributed the "don't go" promptings to just me being afraid of my own inadequacies, so I pressed forward.  I told my family and then I told the world of social media.  I felt good about this.  I felt like I was doing what the Lord needed me to do.

Preparing for my mission was one of the most sacred experiences of my life, and suddenly feeling the prompting that that was no longer what the Lord needed me to do was an even more sacred experience.  It is unfortunate that not everyone has seen it this way, but I will be forever grateful that the Lord allowed me to go through this.  He needs me where I am, and I want to strive to be worthy of that call.  I know He loves me more than I could ever imagine.  He cares about me.  He knows my trials and He knows my faith.  He knows how I hurt and what I rejoice in.  He has blessed me more than I will ever be able to comprehend in mortality.  I look forward and will strive to prepare for that day when I will see just how much He has blessed me and just how much He was a part of my everyday.  He is always there waiting for me to reach out to Him.  I know it.

The Great Impact of Simple Somethings

I want to tell you about someone named Abinadi.

I may not do justice to this great man's story, but I sure can try.

Abinadi was a faithful servant of the Lord, and like most servants of the Lord, he wanted to share what he had found in knowing the Lord and His goodness -- he wanted to share the joy that can only come through the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Unfortunately, those the Lord needed him to share the gospel with were not so keen on gaining said joy.  They didn't want to hear this craziness about how they were an iniquitous people and how they would suffer if they did not repent.  They were prideful.  They thought they were on top of the world where nothing could touch them.  They weren't doing anything wrong.  They were just perfect the way they were.

Shortly thereafter, their oh-so-great-but-not-actually-so-great king, King Noah, heard about this blasphemous Abinadi and his preposterous prophecies.  He more or less took an "Off with his head!" sort of approach to the situation.  Abinadi fled, but a couple years later came back in disguise to continue his efforts to help these people.  The people continued to stick up their noses at him and continued in their desire to have him killed.  To add fuel to the hate-fire, Abinadi added to his prophecies that their "perfect" king would experience death by fire.  That was no beuno in the eyes of the people.  They brought this man to the king and told the king of  his irreverence.

The wicked king and the evil priests of his court showed no mercy.  They interrogated Abinadi.  They sought to make a liar out of him.  They sought to make him dig himself into a hole from which he could not escape.

They did not know who they were dealing with.

The priests barely got a moment to get their hole-digging shovels ready.  Having the Lord on his side, Abinadi knew what these guys were up to.  So, he turned the tables on them.  He questioned them about the doctrine they were supposed to be teaching their people.  He scolded them for not leading by example.  He told them about all the ways they were walking their people down a path that will lead to nothing but destruction.

They knew he was right, so of course they didn't want to listen.  They tried to seize him to finally end all this talk of their failings.  They couldn't touch him, though.  The Lord was not done speaking through him.  He continued to tell them of their wrongdoings, but he also told them about this wonderful thing, this wonderful person that they were denying their people the honor, the privilege of knowing -- the Promised Messiah.

He quotes the words of Isaiah:

3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

6 All we, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquities of us all.

He spoke of Christ's healing, saving Atonement.  He spoke of the lost people we would be if Christ was not coming.  This was before Christ's time, but he spoke of Him in the present.  He spoke of how the coming Atonement should be just as much a part of their lives in that time as it would be in the moment of its happening.  He spoke of the joy that we can experience because of this humble, loving Christ if we follow His teachings.

He spoke of many more beautiful things that I encourage each of you to read, but his story ends shortly thereafter.  Once he was finished speaking with love and warning in his voice, King Noah ordered for his execution by fire, but a remarkable thing happened.

Before Abinadi was to face the flames, one of King Noah's priests, Alma, spoke up.  He pled with the king that he may have mercy upon Abinadi.  Unlike the other priests, Alma had opened his heart to the words of Abinadi and had felt the warm confirmation of their truth through the Holy Ghost.  King Noah just became angrier, of course, and ordered Alma to be slain as well.  Alma got away luckily, and Abinadi proceeded to his execution with the same boldness of faith he had had in facing his executioner.

I have been thinking a lot about Abinadi as I have been preparing for my mission.  It would seem not much came of his efforts.  That is the farthest thing from the truth.  In his short life, in this short mission he embarked on, Abinadi turned the heart of Alma.  It is because of Abinadi that Alma had a change of heart and was able to turn the hearts of so many afterward.  It is because of Abinadi that Alma became a great prophet and that his son, Alma the younger's story of miraculous repentance came to be.  It is because of Abinadi that Alma the younger too became a great prophet, as well as many after him.

Abinadi affected a life that affected and continues to affect the lives of so, so many.

For some reason I have heard a lot of people lately talking about their greatest fear being not leaving some sort of impact on the world.  I like to think our very existence leaves an impact on the world.  We will have countless amounts of acquaintances and so many friends throughout our lives.  Each of those friends and acquaintances take something from knowing us, and we from them.  We give those somethings to others and they give those somethings to someone else and so on and so forth.  Heavenly Father places each person that is in our lives in our lives for a specific reason.  He knows each of us perfectly and knows who we need and who needs us.  He placed bold and brave Abinadi in the lion's den that was King Noah's court because He knew his lost sheep, Alma, needed to hear Abinadi's witness of the Lord's love.  He knew Alma needed to hear and know so that so many others could hear and know.  He did not intend Abinadi's death to be for nothing.

I myself have feared not being able to turn the heart of someone, anyone to Christ while I am on my mission, but even before or after my mission.  I have feared my lack of impact, but in rereading Abinadi's story I have reached this new reality of understanding.  I have come to understand that both on my mission and in my everyday everyone is there for me to impact.  The passing stranger with their head hanging low will be impacted by my smile, the stressed out friend will be impacted by my listening for longer than my heavy eyelids want me to, the lost sheep I will come across in my mission will be impacted in some way by my reaching out to them and boldly, lovingly telling them of Christ as Abinadi did.

My impact might not seem as great as one that stems from martyrdom or baptizing 204 souls at a time as Alma did upon escaping the courts of King Noah, but I know those simple somethings that I pass on to others and that they pass on to me are a part of the greater something that is our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness.  They are a part of His bringing us back to our heavenly home if we let them be.  If we choose to make those somethings somethings that uplift and encourage; somethings that bring others and ourselves closer to the joy and peace that only Christ can bring.

It is my greatest wish and my most earnest prayer that my impact of somethings will be one that Heavenly Father will be proud of; one that will evoke the words we all wish to hear some day...

Well done thou good and faithful servant.