Hello, reader. This is going to be a slightly less entertaining and much more vague post.
Throughout the entirety of my sixteen years, nine months, and thirteen days of life I have dealt with and seen more of the world (figuratively and literally) than people twice my age. This is not something I brag about or something that I consider worth bragging about. It is merely a fact.
I can think of eight states and two countries that I have been to other than my own, and I've probably been to even more than that. I can give you vivid descriptions of the effects drugs can have on a person and that person's family. I can tell you signs of conditions and diseases that you probably have never heard of, but that I grew up with. These, again, are not things I care to talk about. They are not things that will bring sunshine and pretty babies into others lives or my own. These are things that will bring me back to that time. To those moments that I didn't know if they were going to be back to normal tomorrow; to the fear I felt as a child not wanting to be taken just yet; to the heartbreak when he didn't show.
So, how do we humans, as fragile and timid as our beings are, go on? How do we press forward? How do we endure? For some, it is the love and mercy of religion. For others, it is the hope of a better tomorrow, but how is that ever enough for us? How are we, as a species that seems to be so difficult to bring together at times, so united under the perseverance of life? And how about those who struggle or fail to persevere? Why couldn't they find that motivation within to play along for a sad day with the understanding that tomorrow would always come?
My heart aches today for the past and future.
I miss him. He is gone forever. He was supposed to be there. He was supposed to learn my favorite songs and sing them to me throughout the rest of eternity. I don't know how to bring him back. I don't know how to bring him home.
That adorable angel was supposed to be hers forever. She was supposed to be blessed to keep him. She was supposed to be rewarded for her faith and her endurance to her breaking point. They were not supposed to have him back. They were supposed to understand that they weren't ready, and that they would probably never be ready.
Why do we kid ourselves with these notions? It is the Lord's will, I know. Others don't. I wish they did. It gives me such happiness and peace to always have had that thought ringing true in my heart. Sometimes, I just wish my view was as clear as His.
Today was tragic, reader. The happiness of the morning soon evaporated along with the dew.
Throughout the entirety of my sixteen years, nine months, and thirteen days of life I have dealt with and seen more of the world (figuratively and literally) than people twice my age. This is not something I brag about or something that I consider worth bragging about. It is merely a fact.
I can think of eight states and two countries that I have been to other than my own, and I've probably been to even more than that. I can give you vivid descriptions of the effects drugs can have on a person and that person's family. I can tell you signs of conditions and diseases that you probably have never heard of, but that I grew up with. These, again, are not things I care to talk about. They are not things that will bring sunshine and pretty babies into others lives or my own. These are things that will bring me back to that time. To those moments that I didn't know if they were going to be back to normal tomorrow; to the fear I felt as a child not wanting to be taken just yet; to the heartbreak when he didn't show.
So, how do we humans, as fragile and timid as our beings are, go on? How do we press forward? How do we endure? For some, it is the love and mercy of religion. For others, it is the hope of a better tomorrow, but how is that ever enough for us? How are we, as a species that seems to be so difficult to bring together at times, so united under the perseverance of life? And how about those who struggle or fail to persevere? Why couldn't they find that motivation within to play along for a sad day with the understanding that tomorrow would always come?
My heart aches today for the past and future.
I miss him. He is gone forever. He was supposed to be there. He was supposed to learn my favorite songs and sing them to me throughout the rest of eternity. I don't know how to bring him back. I don't know how to bring him home.
That adorable angel was supposed to be hers forever. She was supposed to be blessed to keep him. She was supposed to be rewarded for her faith and her endurance to her breaking point. They were not supposed to have him back. They were supposed to understand that they weren't ready, and that they would probably never be ready.
Why do we kid ourselves with these notions? It is the Lord's will, I know. Others don't. I wish they did. It gives me such happiness and peace to always have had that thought ringing true in my heart. Sometimes, I just wish my view was as clear as His.
Today was tragic, reader. The happiness of the morning soon evaporated along with the dew.
No comments:
Post a Comment