I finished my mission papers at the beginning of this week and now I am stuck in that waiting game of anxiously wanting to attack the mail man and rip my call from his hands.

Since the announcement of the age change for missionaries last October, I have felt such a love from my Heavenly Father and Savior as I have continually prayed and fasted to know if the path They want for me includes an 18-month mile of a mission.  Since October it was a quiet but powerful yes, but Satan kept placing doubts in my heart, making me afraid of my inadequacies.  Once Christmas rolled around, I still had kept the internal struggle between the Lord and me.  It must have been the Spirit of Christ in the air at that time of year that made me want to live with the conviction of the phrase Fear is the opposite of faith.  As I have vocalized my decision to serve a mission, Heavenly Father has placed so many words in the mouths of those around me and in my own mind and heart that have strengthened that conviction and given greater clarity to the fact that it is not me that is going on a mission, but me as a representative of Christ.  It will not be me stumbling over my words, it will be the Spirit speaking through me.

What I have really come to know and understand for myself is that Heavenly Father does not want the perfect to go out to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ.  He wants His imperfect children to teach His imperfect children.  He wants them to develop a Christ-like love for one another, even with the flaws and weaknesses that come with mortality.  He wants them to understand the power of a humble heart with a willingness and a desire to serve.  He wants them to learn from their weaknesses and help those weaknesses become strengths.  He wants to help their heavy hearts and heal their mortal wounds as they are lifting others and helping them to do the same.  Most of all, though, He wants them to always know that He is there, always ready and wanting to help.  He is always hanging on the edge of His seat, waiting for us to reach for His outstretched hand.  He wants so much to guide us where we need to go to find the greatest happiness.  We need only ask.


Your Father in heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him. - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Change of Plans

I love BYU.  It has been an absolutely amazing experience thus far being amongst people who know and believe the same things I do.  I have an amazing group of friends that I spend almost 24/7 with.  I have a job that keeps me afloat.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself.  He knew that I would be happier and more challenged here than at any other school, and I am so happy for that.

That being said, there is always a bit of pressure being in a mostly LDS environment.  I mean, I'm not a heathen or anything, but there can sometimes be a cloud of judgement hanging over people's heads when you mention you had to finish that one essay on a Sunday.  I don't let any of this get to me or anything, but that's just a little picture I want to paint for you for what I want to talk about.

Recently, through revelation given to the Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, the church has changed things up a bit.  Until October 2012, the age at which one could become a missionary was 19 for boys and 21 for girls.  It was announced in the last General Conference -- after much prayer and revelation through Latter-day prophet, seers, and revelators -- that the ages would be changed to 18 for boys and 19 for girls.

Missions have always been an optional thing for girls.  Not that their testimonies are less important, but a more educationally-based route is encouraged for young women of the church.  Young men need that experience more to develop in their strength of testimony and their priesthood -- all things that are a different topic for a different time.  Of course many young women hopped on the bandwagon right quick.  I think the sheer power of what we all had witnessed that day was enough to turn any heart to want to be a missionary.  We just experienced powerful modern-day revelation.  It was a huge testimony-builder, even if people's plans for a mission were not going to change.  However, I did not want to be one so caught up in the moment as to mistake that testimony-builder for a prompting of needing to go on a mission myself.  It sounds awful when I think about it now, but that's what it was.

For a long, long time I have been praying about it and searching the scriptures for answers.  I kept getting promptings that went back and forth -- go, don't go, go, don't go.  To be honest, though, I think it was a "go" this whole time.  I was just scared.  I was scared of my inadequacies and my lack of perfection.  I was scared I would be going for the wrong reasons.  I was scared to fail my Heavenly Father and my Savior who have given me so much.  Then I realized They have given me so much.  Whenever I have asked and been worthy, They have made up for my inadequacies and imperfections.  When I have put my trust in Them, I have never failed.  Going for Them is why I would be going, and that is the right reason to go.

Come March I will be starting my mission papers.  I will be putting my life on hold for 18 months to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with my brothers and sisters in some part of the world.  I will not be leaving until some time between August and January, but I am more and more excited each day.  I am so very grateful for this opportunity.

sdaigeaguhqeu!

I cannot believe I forgot to mention this (at least, I don't remember mentioning it), but NATHANAEL IS GOING TO BRAZIL FOR HIS MISSION!  He got his Mission Call while we were at Education Week, and we woke up to texts telling us the great news.  Funnily enough, the day before, was when I met those two sets of sister missionaries, and one of the sisters was from Brazil.  Harty har har.

So, of course, after hearing the news, we dashed for the bookstore to see what we could find him.  I picked out a million books, but my mom said, "If they don't have pictures, I don't think he's going to read them."  Well, poo.  So, we got him some things and a pin that has his mission on it (Forteleza), after calling them and asking which of the gazillion Brazil missions he was assigned to.  Nicholas was actually the one who answered the phone, and, mistaking him for Nathanael, I said, "Hey, future missionary!"  Haha.  Which, I guess, still holds true.  Lol.

I love my family so much...I just feel like I could burst with happiness at any moment because of how happy and proud they make me.