I like to think I'm a creative person.

I have been planning my birthday parties since I was about four (with a different theme every year).  Almost everyday when I was little I created costumes out of anything and everything I could find in my bedroom (and maybe I still do).  I devour the Pinterest boards and random blogs that I follow that have allowed me to create my future home (which will be bursting with color and quaint knick knacks).  I sometimes make videos for the internet that take a lot of time and an even greater amount of thought (despite the fact that they may prove otherwise).

I have actually chosen to make creativity my business (literally).

I am an English major, but oh, how I neglect my writing time.

I don't write nearly as much as I wish I did.  I created this blog and so many others before it to fix this problem, but life gets in the way or that creativity that I think is flowing through my veins at a million miles a minute just runs dry.  Maybe it's just because I'm too lazy to do the countless edits that I want to do to every post.  Maybe it's the fact that sometimes I just don't think I'm a very good writer.

Whatever the excuse may be for all the times I have failed in the past, I am committing this time.  For the entire month of August I will be writing a letter every day.  The thought of writing letters is not as intimidating to me as writing posts.  Writing posts entails dreading whoever will read it and whatever they may think. It entails endlessly trying to think of little quips and metaphors that people will think I'm a genius for coming up with, when really I got half of the idea from something some amazing person in my life said.

I will be writing letters to August.  I will be treating the month as an entity itself -- an entity that is an old friend.  It will not be as scary for me as Blogging Every Day in August/April/October/Whenever.

I got this idea from watching this project unfold.

It's going to be a test for me and probably for anyone who reads these letters (sorry in advance), but for the love of Nutella it is going to happen.  Even when the creativity has run completely dry and I think there's not a drop left, I will hold tight until that drop drips.

Sandy Solace

I have never loved the beach.

I know it's beautiful.  I know it is a place of relaxation and solace.  It is a place to feel the sun kiss our skin with its warmth and to have the ocean wash away our worries, but oh my goodness.  I cannot for the life of me like it no matter how hard I try.

I never appreciated how close I have always lived to the beach until I was far away from it in landlocked Utah.  (Isn't that how it always goes?)  Every time I've been home I have so wanted to go to the familiar beaches of childhood, but once I get there I rediscover my dislike.  I don't get why or how I can't love this beautiful creation God has blessed me with, so don't ask.  It's just always been that way, even when I was a baby.

The mountains are where my solace lies.  I feel God's power in the mountains.  I feel the strength He has that He can grant me when I need it.  I have always kind of felt that the mountains represented God's great power  and majesty while the ocean represented His peace and comfort (even if the sand in my bathing suit bottoms distracted me from feeling that peace and comfort sometimes).  I can appreciate the beauty of the beach and that symbol that it is of peace, but the beauty of the mountains seeps into my heart and leaves me in awe.

So, on the Fourth of July when the plan was to go to the St. Augustine Beach with the family in the morning I was not exactly thrilled.  I had slight excitement ringing in my mind because it had been awhile since I'd been to the beach, but the excitement did not ring as loud as my knowledge that I would not love it and I would feel bad for not loving it.

It was a special Fourth of July in the fact that it was the interim time between my Aunt Chris' death and her funeral.  We all just wanted a day free of hurting.  We wanted to celebrate as Chris would have wanted us to.  So, we did.  I told myself I would like the beach that day no matter how much I had to lie to myself.  My family would be there and that would be enough for me to like it.  End of story.

I got out of the car and headed toward our little spot in the sand.  As we were setting up camp, I looked out at the ocean and I suddenly felt that familiar feeling of God's love.  I felt the gentleness of His comfort as others do when they see the eternity of His ocean.  It seeped into my heart as the mountains always do.  It was probably only for that day that I loved the beach, but it was a day I will be forever grateful for.  In the middle of our week of tears and heartache, God was there for my family on that beach as we celebrated not just our country's freedom, but our family's eternity.

On that day, even as the afternoon thunderstorms rolled in, all was well with my soul.

Peace in Loss

I absolutely love to serve those around me.  I'm not sure that there is anything that makes me more happy than to find some way to help someone in need.  It is the greatest therapy.  While I am a-okay with being on the giving side of service, I'm always a little hesitant (and probably a little prideful) when I'm on the receiving end.  It's an obstacle that I have really been trying to overcome.  So, it is with that thought in mind that I am writing this blog post.

Last night my Aunt Chris (my dad's oldest sister) passed away.  It was the most surreal experience of my life.  I have had others who were close to me pass away throughout my life, but when I have had family members pass away I was too young to understand the gravity of the situation or even remember much of the experience at all.

Chris had been in the hospital on and off for a couple of months.  Yesterday morning it looked like things were looking up, but then she took a turn for the worst.  I am so grateful to have been so close to home for the summer, and that I felt prompted to ask my mom to come pick me up to take me to St. Augustine to be with my family.  It was an emotional night for all of us, but it was one where I felt so much peace in the knowledge that I have of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Phrases like "eternal families" and "His plan" were used without hesitation, and I felt so much comfort in that.

While I will miss my aunt's sweet heart and immense love, I know this is not the end for her.  I know Heavenly Father needs her now more than we do here.  I know we will meet again.

I am going to suck up my pride and just ask that you simply keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.

Chris had a tender, Christ-like love about her that it will be hard to be without for awhile, but it is a comfort to know that it is only for awhile.