I'm Still Five and I'm Proud

Thursday, September 30, 2010

I apologize for lack of updates on my life (if that's even important to you, I have no idea).

So, let's start from last Friday, shall we?

My mom was going to go out to dinner with one of her old coworkers, and my grandma had a stake single adult activity she had to go to (she's the stake single adult leader).  She kept doing that thing she does.  She used that voice that always makes me feel guilty when I say no to it.  It's kind of what I would describe as luring a child to do something you don't want them to do, yet somehow making them feel bad about even thinking about doing that thing.  It's a bit difficult to explain, but she's a pro at it.

After multiple refusals to go, because of my exhaustion and rough week, she gave up (so I thought).  She invited me because the activity was supposed to allow those in the single adults program with children to bring said children and enjoy each others company via games and fun-time-things.  All I wanted to do that night was snuggle up to my mommy and cry until I fell asleep...yes, I'm still five at heart.

Since my mom was to leave moments after my grandma did, I just dragged my feet to my room, snuggled up to my pillows and my baby blanket (again, still five), and waited for the tears to come.

It's weird how dogs are so sensitive to emotion.  Every time I've been sick or sad, Blue (my dog), comes to the rescue.  It's like he knows about the fact that it hurts more for me to hear about the death of an animal than it does to hear about the death of a human being.  Every time I've had a fever, he's hopped on my bed, and put his warm back against my shivering spine or on my frigid feet.  That night was no exception.  He came into my room, and let me rub his belly until the tears were no longer on the brim of my eyelids.

About an hour later, my grandma called and said she had forgotten something (supposedly), and once again, used that voice.  I gave in.  She said the only other youth there was my friend Tyler H. whom I had talked to only hours before.  He said he was miserably sick, and since I was miserable, I figured we could drown in each other's misery for the night.  It turned out to be not so bad.  I won two out of three games of Mexican Train, and I think Tyler's dad is freaking hilarious.

Saturday, my mom had her surf lesson with Heather, Molly, and Sister Holte.  I didn't get to see her before she left.  The youth in my ward went to St. Augustine that day.  It was really relaxing and a lot of fun.  The cannons were fired, ultimate frisbee was played, and there were puppies and babies all over St. George Street, so, I was happy.  I still wanted my mommy, though...

I've been really over the edge with my teachers this week.  Especially my Pre-Calculus/AP Statistics teacher. She is just so irresponsible and doesn't teach, and when she tries, it makes no sense whatsoever.

I've decided Wednesdays and Thursdays are my favorite days.  I've always kind of liked Thursdays, because it just means the weekend is that much closer.  It also often means a girls night out.  I somehow, usually have less homework, too.  Weird.

I've decided to add Wednesday to that equation because of Wednesday night Mutual.  I know I've said it before, but I really love my sisters in Zion.  That time we have in the middle of the week and on Sundays means the world to me.  They are the reason I look forward to Seminary when I want nothing more than to stay in bed.  I love that the feelings from Mutual rollover into the next morning in Thursday Seminary.

The Friday of the single adult activity was a particular spiritual day in Seminary.  Funnily enough, we talked about the worth of souls.  Sister Gevara shared a beautiful and inspiring story from her mission, and it was funny in the way it tied in perfectly with the article I had read and posted on here the day before.  She talked about this old woman in South America (I can't remember where) that was just known around the town as dirty and old and "crusty" (Sister G's words, not mine).  She smoked.  She had this cast on her leg that was probably supposed to be removed centuries before (if I remember, correctly).  Sister G and her companion were given the challenge to hand out a certain number of Book of Mormon's in a day.  By the end of that day they only had one copy left.  Not being guided by the Spirit, but by the challenge, they gave that book to this woman.  After a few days or so of passing by her house on the corner of the street, the woman finally called to them and asked, "So, when are you going to start reading to me?"  She was illiterate, but she was also faithful as they came to her everyday and read.  She was baptized.  She quit smoking.  She was healthy.  She had realized that she was worthy and divine.  A beautiful daughter of God.

Now, I am going to snuggle up to my mommy (FINALLY) after almost two weeks of not getting the chance. Our schedules have been so hectic, and when she's up and home, I'm dead asleep from my late night studying, and when I'm awake, she's in a peaceful slumber.  Nicholas, my cousin, has been staying with us this week because his dad usually takes him to the community college here during the week, but he's out of town, so we're doing some carpooling and accommodating for him.  This means I've had to give up my room, and I usually hate giving up my bed for other people and their icky germs (yes, germaphobe in the house), but I don't care this time.  I get to sleep in my mommy's heavenly comfortable bed.

I made my room "manly" for him.  I put a sign on the door that reads "The Man Cave"; I put a few boy-esque pictures on the wall; and I taped a picture of Chuck Norris over my Audrey Hepburn picture. Oh, and I also wrote exceptions to the girly things that I didn't hide.  I even went as far as to change the usually flower-covered comforter and pillowcases to some on the more masculine side of the spectrum (sort of).

[This is right by my closet.  The flowery thing below the trunk with the sign is my usual comforter.]







[I think I'll scan this and post it later.  These are the "Manly Exceptions" (i.e. the things that I didn't know how to alternate to manly, or can be justified as unisex).]






[Nicholas has always liked tigers, so I thought he'd appreciate this one.]




I honestly never thought Chuck Norris would taste any wall of my room.  Now I'm just worried that the tape I used will ruin the Audrey Hepburn picture.  I pray it won't.

How have you been, reader?

"What Comfort This Sweet Sentence Gives..."

Monday, September 27, 2010

Things I am grateful for through these difficult days:
These beautiful words and my Savior who is constantly helping me back up when I fall from the fatigue.
Love, in every aspect.
Hope and its power.
The restoration of the Priesthood.
The prayer that is Music
Stephanie and Christian Nielson; her words and their story have inspired me for the past few weeks, and I've been reading every single blog post of hers up until about a year ago, and I plan to keep going until I've reached her first post, before her faith and love was ultimately tested.

I wrote about them, as well as Abraham Lincoln, on Friday when we did a timed writing essay in English for AP test practice.  Throughout the whole thing, I felt like I was writing a talk for Sacrament meeting.  I had to either defend, qualify, or argue against the following quote:

"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant.” - Horace


I, of course, defended this.


I am grateful for my cousin in law, Heather, for reminding me that I need to pray for those who cause my struggles and frustrations.
I am grateful that my cousin, Nicholas, is staying with us this week.  It's amazing how drastic of a difference it makes, have the priesthood in your home.  I genuinely felt a little more comforted as I dozed off into dreamland last night, and I really think that's why.








I am grateful to my most loyal friend on earth.


I am grateful for the fact that I have lived in the same home for fourteen out of the sixteen years of my life.  It allows me to be constantly reminded of happy, unscathed childhood memories.  Like this flower:



[There used to be a flower identical to this one in our front yard.  Every Spring, it would burst from the roots of the tree it stood by, and every Spring, it was a different color.  I don't know how that's genetically possible, but it was a fascination to my little mind.  It was always something climactic in my simple Springs when I played with roly polies by the Gardenias on the lamppost.]

Out of all of these things, the sweet spirit of Christ and my Heavenly Father continue to lighten my heavy heart.  I will always be most grateful for this.

I am grateful that we read Alma 22 tonight in family scripture reading.
"14 And since man had afallen he could not bmerit anything of himself; but the sufferings and cdeath of Christ datone for their sins, through faith and repentance, and so forth; and that he breaketh the bands of death, that the egrave shall have no victory, and that the sting of death should be swallowed up in the hopes of glory; and Aaron did expound all these things unto the king.

  15 And it came to pass that after Aaron had expounded these things unto him, the king said: aWhat shall I do that I may have this eternal life of which thou hast spoken? Yea, what shall I do that I may be bborn of God, having this wicked spirit crooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be filled with joy, that I may not be cast off at the last day? Behold, said he, I will give up dall that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy.

  16 But Aaron said unto him: If thou desirest this thing, if thou wilt abow down before God, yea, if thou wilt repent of all thy sins, and will bow down before God, and call on his name in faith, believing that ye shall receive, then shalt thou receive the bhope which thou desirest."


P.S. I am also grateful that my grandfather's memory is more real to me through the videos I got to watch last week from his job and my mom's earlier life.

Oh It Is Wonderful, Wonderful To Me.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Tonight I am missing my brother, but I'm also finding strength and love through my Savior and my Heavenly Father, who have provided me with a way to be whole and eternally happy.

Through these beautiful words -- that only the Holy Ghost could compose -- I am reminded once more of my divine worth and purpose.  I cannot even express to you my gratitude and endearing love for my brother, Jesus Christ, and my dear Heavenly Father.

Tears and prayers have been common occurrences over the past few weeks, and the Spirit has overwhelmed my heart with comfort each and every time.  Even if I fall short of perfection and start to get wrapped up in worldly things, my Heavenly Father is so ready to hear my cry for repentance and help and so willing to forgive and guide.

I would be so lost and just utterly sad without the beautiful love the gospel has given me.

I truly do love each person I have met, will meet, and will never come in contact with.  That is my goal.  To love everyone.  To cherish every word expressed.  To embrace and return every smile a stranger shares with me.  To love, unconditionally, each and every one of my brothers and sisters.

I love you, reader, and if you don't believe that, believe that Jesus Christ and God, the Eternal Father, love you.

Up Up and Away!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I love September.  I love that the humidity is merciful and allows the sun to have the spotlight rather than allying with it.  I love the slight pierce in your lungs as you breathe in the mildly cool morning air.  I love that I can jog for over eight minutes now without my chest caving in.  I love that I inherited my dad's appreciation for science fiction.  I love that I didn't care last Saturday that I had also inherited his sweat glands as I was bathing in my perspiration at the gym.  I love that there was a cute old man that vaguely resembled Santa Claus running next to me that day, that, I think, wanted me to be done so he wouldn't have an audience as he walked.  I wanted to hug him.  I love that my school friends are so accepting and openly affectionate and lovingly honest.  I love that my best guy friend, Adam, told me that he liked to hang out with me because I am "genuinely nice and friendly to people when others would just be friendly to those they don't like to their faces." (it was much sweeter than that, but I can't remember the exact wording:/).  I love that after about eight years of my trying to get my best friend to come unto Christ and His Gospel, my prayers were answered through the missionaries.

After my grandma picked me up from school today (more on that later), the sister missionaries in my ward called and asked to speak to me.  I talked to Sister Kitchen for about thirty seconds, during which she asked if I would be home around eight tonight and whether or not it'd be okay if she and the other sister missionary came and talked to me.  Of course I wasn't going to turn them down.

It turns out they had been talking to Gabby, and had challenged her to pray and ask if the Book of Mormon was true.  They had used her love of music and taken her to a Sister's house whose husband is not a member, but is also musical.  The challenge was given to Gabby and him that night.

Satan tried to make me feel guilty about letting the sister missionaries know about Gabby's heart and why she doesn't go to church on Sundays, but the happiness and light that I felt just knowing that these sisters had had some sort of affect on my dear friend shined through that guilt.  I just wanted to run to my room and pray and pray and pray.  I was just so happy that her heart was finally softened.  I was so happy that someone else saw that glimmer of a sweet spirit that I see in her; that potential she has to have such happiness through a relationship with her Father in Heaven and her Savior.  I'm just so happy to the point of tears!  I want to see her.  I want to know how I can help the missionaries in their efforts.  I invited her to Standards Night on Sunday, so, hopefully, she'll come.

I love that my lovely Emma Lucy commented with this on my last post:


Beaming you wavelengths of happiness to overcome the stress: -rainbow-striped beam-


That rainbow-striped beam made it to this part of the world.  Thank you.  It seemed as though my whole life has gone upwards since that last post.  I got two B's on two tests that I was iffy about.  I got chosen to be interviewed for a leadership role in the yearbook.  Then, (this is why my grandma picked me up today) I actually got on the yearbook staff....as one out of two editors!


I have mixed emotions about this whole ordeal, but I'm going to try my absolute best.  I'm the older of the two head editors, and I work a lot differently than the other one, but I'm going to make this work.  Even if I suck, it will be a good experience.  I'm so happy right now.


I love that Heavenly Father gives us trials.  I love that because of those trials, we know what happiness is.


I love this beautiful world, reader.


Last song heard: I Love Technology by Kip Dynamite
(absolutely breathtaking)



[My friend, Kristen, made this "crown" out of a gum wrapper for me today.  It made me feel like Princess Peach because, for some reason, I remember her crown having a similar shape...nerdjokesnerdjokesnerdjokes.]

"My name is Jorge Regula."

Monday, September 13, 2010

May I just say that Potter Puppet Pals has the ability to soften my harshest of days?

This weekend wasn't all too busy.  I'd been really trying not to do my homework on Sundays, but failed after a few weeks of success.  I even continued to procrastinate after coming home after Sacrament.  I didn't go to bed until about 1am.  I felt terrible about the whole thing.

Friday, my mom and I saw the movie Flipped it was really cute and definitely brought back some memories.  I was most definitely like Juli.  Quite aggressive...

I also broke down and applied for a job at Target.  They said my application would be active for sixty days, but I'm doubting it's going to happen.  I have also filled out an application for the yearbook staff, and plan on signing up for some clubs tomorrow (they posted sign-up sheets today).  It will be quite a heavy load, but I'm thinking it will be a nice change to my "all work and very little play" ethic.  One of the teacher recommendations for the yearbook application had to come from your English teacher, and it was really nice to hear Dr. DeForrest reply with "Of course.  I'm glad you're doing it." after I had asked her to fill it out.  She's always complimenting my work in the most subtle ways.  It's really lessened my dislike of her.  Haha.  I mean, I don't hate her, really.   Sometimes she can be a bit difficult to deal with.  She's very eclectic, but also a bit uptight.  She's kind of hard to explain, but I can see where she's coming from, and I'm okay with her.  I just wish she would pick happier works of literature.  They're always tragic/depressing (e.g. The Bell Jar, Brave New World, Ethan Frome).

Saturday, I cleaned my mom's bathroom because that's always the compromise she makes if I need new clothes or having a dying craving for something that will cause her to go out of her way.  Both of these occasions have arisen over the past couple of weeks.  First of all, I already hate asking for things if it's not my birthday, and I don't really enjoy cleaning.  Well...I don't know.  I think I've become less hateful of the action of cleaning throughout the years, but I don't seek things out that need a spruce.  My grandma also wanted me to give Blue (my dog) a bath and get the dog hair off of the area rug in the living room (which is a sickening task).  I forgot about giving my dog a bath until after I had already cleaned my mom's shower, which has one of those showerheads that you can take off of the holder-thing, which makes it easier to bathe the less than willing dog.  So, I ended up using the tub in my grandma's bathroom.  I decided I should just go ahead and clean her bathroom afterwards, since I was already in the mode.  I felt really good for doing all of that, but then remembered I still had homework to do, but had a church dance to go to about an hour or so after I had finished everything.  I kind of didn't want to go to the dance in the first place, but I had told Emma I was going.

The dance was a bit pitiful.  It was a school spirit dance, and a lot of people showed their spirit, but it was supposed to be tri-stake, and looked like a one stake dance.  Emma, Elizabeth, and I were the only ones from our ward, and Emma and I's usual crowd weren't there, besides Chelsea, Nate, and Megan F.  Megan H. and her brother, Tyler, were there, too.  We hung out with her and somewhat, with Chelsea most of the night.  Chelsea and I lamented about the fact that Emma Lucy wasn't there.  That probably contributed to my not wanting to go to the dance as well.  I also had been reading and finished Mockingjay after four hours of reading, and had been emotionally drained from all that was going on in my imagination and in the sinking part of my heart where Emma Lucy resides.

I started reading The Only Alien on The Planet today.  Emma got it for me for my birthday.  There's a character in it named, Smitty Tibbs, and I can't help but burst out in laughter every time his name lingers into my sight.

I had a substitute in APUSH today, which is both good and bad.  Good for obvious reasons and bad because we have a test next period.  The schedule was also distorted today because the middle schoolers and other high school grades were taking Benchmark tests.  It gave me time to read, but my homeroom teacher decided to assign the homework not during the long period that we had her, but during the short period.  (We saw her twice today), which means that I just have another assignment to worry about doing, when I could have finished it in class.

Sidenote:  I apologize for my jumbled-up thoughts.  My minds in a bit of a tizzy at the moment.  Please excuse my oddities in language.

I took a walk an hour or two ago and I've been really good in my diet today.  Though, I did take a spoonful of cookie dough and bought a Dr. Pepper (not my usual soda of choice, but that's all that was there, really) because I had just gotten out of gym and was dying of thirst without any near-by water fountains to suffice my quench.  This me being healthy thing is not going to be one those things where I cry out in desperation for a brownie, but one of those where I'll take one brownie, and run it off after the destruction of calories has consumed my digestive system.  I'm not going to be eating junk food every night like I have been for the past couple of stressful weeks, but I'm going to make them even more savoring by making them a rare occurrence.  If that makes any sense...I guess it only matters that I comprehended all of that jumble of words.

Well, I'm off to finish the last sections of my Chemistry Podcast notes and am possibly going to take some sort of action to get my other assignments done.

Wish me luck, reader, in all of these endeavors, and I wish you nothing but the happiness that life has to offer.

Last Song Heard: Jorge Regula by The Moldy Peaches
(I must admit I have a place in my heart specifically designated to quirky songs like this one.)

P.S.  I got new glasses on Thursday.  Not sure if that's of any importance, but it happened.  My optometrist informed me that I'm on the borderline of someone who needs a recommendation to drive.  Super.

P.S.S.  I wish I was friends with all the authors I follow on Twitter.  I love reading their replies to one another's posts.

Remember, Oh, Remember That One Morning in September

Saturday, September 11, 2010

My current facebook status is as follows:

Thank you to all the families whose sons and daughters are fighting because of this day nine years ago. My heart goes out to you and those who lost their loved ones on that September morning.


It is not profound enough.  It is not deep-hearted enough.  It does not reflect the magnitude of gratitude I possess for these people.  For their families.

I just finished Mockingjay.  It's amazing to me the elements of humanity fiction can so exquisitely and perfectly reflect.  In this made-up world of Panem, and in its destruction because of dictatorship and mercilessness, the rawness and hot tears of the pain transform my heart and make me remember that September morning.

I sometimes question my memory of the moment I knew something was wrong, because of the AP Psychology class I took last year.  There was one chapter that said something about how the greater the gap of time that has crossed between you and that moment in time, the more distorted the memory becomes.

I was in second grade.  I don't remember tears.  I don't remember much emotion.  I just remember the lights being turned off in my second grade classroom.  I remember staring out the window, and wondering why the world outside seemed so frigid and gray.  I think they turned the TV on, but that memory isn't very vivid.  I think my dad picked me up from school early, and I remember coming home to the twin towers disintegrating on our family television set.  I somewhat remember thinking, "Why?  Why is everyone so sad?  Why would someone make everyone so sad?"  My little naive mind couldn't comprehend the reality of the world it was sent to.

As time went on, and my comprehension of that day grew, I remember being terrified every time I heard an airplane.  I remember trying to find safety under my covers that I thought would protect me from the greatest forms of destruction.

My connection to the incident grew when my cousin, a marine, was sent to the Middle East, and hit by a bomb.  He survived, but just that thought of, What if?  He came out only with a few scars, but what if he didn't?  What if I lost a cousin that I never got the chance to be close to?

I hope to always remember this day.  Not because it's announced on the radio, or because I see a flag waving at half-mast, but because the numbers nine one one zero one are imprinted in my heart forever.

Where were you that day, reader?

Last song heard:  Wonderwall (acoustic version) by Oasis

Mental Health Day

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Last song heard:  Nothing Better by The Postal Service

As you can probably tell by the title of this post, I took the day of from school life.

I ended up going to bed last night around 1am, and didn't fall asleep for quite a long while.  My mind was racing at a million miles a second.  It was full of anxiety.  That's not okay to me.

During the summer and when my life is at ease, I think of happier things.  I think of how I can make my future a happy one, or how inspiring certain people are to me, or the next novel I'll attempt to write, but never get the dying urge to put it on paper.  I don't think of how I'm going to pass a certain class.  I don't think of numbers and equations before I go to sleep.  I usually think of the beautiful things in my life and my life to come.  I think of what my husband may be doing right now, or if my kids will have the red hair that I want them to have.  They ease me into a peaceful slumber and make my morning brighter somehow.

What little sleep I did get brought on dreams just as filled with anxiety as my conscious mind.  I ended up waking up what felt like an hour or so after I finally fell asleep, because I couldn't handle the current nightmare, after waking up that time, I finally got back to sleep for a short time.  My alarm went off at 4:30 with the intention of waking me to bathe.  I ignored it and waited for my second alarm to go off at 5:15.

During my tossing and turning, I decided I wasn't going to school, but, of course, my conscience kept eating at me for continuing to ignore its urges to get up and go to Seminary, and it won in the end.  I took a quick shower and went.  I probably looked a little scary.

I came home and slept...until 3pm.  Apparently, my mom came home for lunch, and came in my room to rouse me, but to no avail.  I have no recollection of it.  I kind of remember my grandma checking on me once, and I thought that was an hour or so before I got out of bed, but it was apparently before my mom came home for lunch.  Weird.  It was a really good sleep, though.  It definitely made up for the stupid night before.

I went to Mutual tonight, and we just talked about service projects.  We're going to be doing luminaries this year, which we haven't done in about two years.  Well, I've never done it, but there are a few of the young women that have done it each time the guy in charge of the whole thing has asked for our help.  Things just came up around those times, or I was sick, etc., but I'm kind of excited about doing it this year.  They've always said it's a lot of fun.

I WANT TO BE HEALTHIER.  School, I think, is my downfall when it comes down to that.  I made the mental commitment to go for a walk at the times I get stressed out, instead of eating whatever junk we have in the pantry.  So far, I've only gone walking once, and I'm pretty sure I've gained a few pounds after gaining the privilege at school to go off-campus to McDonalds for lunch.  eogyjwoegyo

Don't get me wrong, I'm okay with the way I look, but I just always have the parts of the Word of Wisdom in the back of my mind that have to do with eating and exercising, and we had a lesson on those things on Sunday in Young Women...meh.

Tell me what to do, reader.

"I always have fun..."

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Last song heard: The Only Exception by Paramore
(Yes, Paramore is a guilty pleasure of mine.  JUDGE ME.)

I love the moments when I get my mommy to myself.  Don't get me wrong, I love how we can have the same friends and acquaintances, and how we can have fun with the same people together, but I still love those simple moments when we make fun of corny songs and are baffled at how everyone in the world does not come anywhere near our level of perfection. [/sarcasm]

I love how our sweet-tooths (teeth?) coincide with each other. I love how we can moan and groan, or even not say anything to each other, and still know that life is being cruel to the other.

I can honestly say my mom is one of my best friends.  Even if she already has to accept and love me as I am, she somehow goes the extra mile.  She doesn't just love me from a distance.  She loves me in an up close and personal way, and she's always been that way.  I remember coming home from an American history lesson at school, and wanting to tell the whole world what I had learned, and she just sat and listened.  She was engaged and interested in my childish thoughts and the things I was passionate about, even then.  Even if she already knew the things I was telling her, she still kept a facial composure of interest and attentiveness.

I love her so much.




Today was okay.  Not my most stressful of days, but my APUSH teacher was driving me insane.  I have about three or four teachers who have no idea what they are doing, and she is one of the lucky four.  It just irritates me when people cannot fess up to their flaws.

We had a test in that class last week, and basically everyone failed miserably.  She gave us a study guide, and maybe used two of the questions from it on the test, but played them up to be trick questions.  One would think that the logical thought process after seeing that so many had failed your test, that the problem might just be you.  In her eyes, that's, apparently, impossible.  She went on this ramble that made little to no sense about how to study.  So now we'll be taking notes in class.  Now we'll be given even more homework to the already jam-packed load.  Thank you, -insert teacher's name here-.  Thank you so much.

My mom bought Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins about three weeks ago when it was released, and I just started it today.  I missed my fictional worlds.  It has been truly agonizing without them.


I'm on about chapter four, I believe.  It's the part where she finds her prep team.


Every.  Sentence.  Gives.  Me.  Chills.  I want to cry.  I want to scream.  I want to strangle President Snow.  I want Katniss to stop being so naive and gullible about her feelings towards the two males in her life.  I WANT TO READ.  Of course, that's not going to happen, considering the fact that AP Statistics work and AP Lang worksheets on Ethan Frome are waiting for my answer to their obnoxious calls.


I guess I really haven't mentioned Seminary since it started.  I'm trying to have a better attitude about it this year.  I'm trying to be more understanding and humble.  Though, it is a bit difficult when the rest of your class is grumbling.  It's actually not that bad with a positive outlook.  Sister Gevara does a great job, and I'm grateful for that.  It's just hard to be perky and understanding so early in the morning:/.


Well, reader, I'm off to melt in a pot of frustration and woe.  I hope your days have been more relaxed than mine.

sdaigeaguhqeu!

Monday, September 6, 2010

I cannot believe I forgot to mention this (at least, I don't remember mentioning it), but NATHANAEL IS GOING TO BRAZIL FOR HIS MISSION!  He got his Mission Call while we were at Education Week, and we woke up to texts telling us the great news.  Funnily enough, the day before, was when I met those two sets of sister missionaries, and one of the sisters was from Brazil.  Harty har har.

So, of course, after hearing the news, we dashed for the bookstore to see what we could find him.  I picked out a million books, but my mom said, "If they don't have pictures, I don't think he's going to read them."  Well, poo.  So, we got him some things and a pin that has his mission on it (Forteleza), after calling them and asking which of the gazillion Brazil missions he was assigned to.  Nicholas was actually the one who answered the phone, and, mistaking him for Nathanael, I said, "Hey, future missionary!"  Haha.  Which, I guess, still holds true.  Lol.

I love my family so much...I just feel like I could burst with happiness at any moment because of how happy and proud they make me.

The GAW-jus

I'm counting the days on my mournful hands until my lovely Emma Lucy returns home.

She has been taken from me by Bosnia for the next nine months, and I'm already wanting to wallow from her absence in my life.

She has just been this radiating light in my life these past three years.  I'm so thankful to have someone who will legitimately freak out with me about literature.  I want to be so much like her in the way she expresses herself.  Even if the world around her would view her expressionisms as dramatic and loud, I view them as exhilarating and beautiful.  I love those moments when she is just so passionate about the topic at hand, and her voice grows louder and louder until her shyness overwhelms her and she says, "Just ignore me," or "I'm just a freak, sorry."  I'm going to miss that.

Though she is putting on the "it's only nine months" face,  I'm dying over here.  Saying goodbye to her in Seminary last Tuesday was heart-wrenching.  I just wanted to stay in that hug, and let my tears on her tiny shoulder be enough to fill those nine months that I won't be seeing her wide brown eyes, full of so much life and mischief.  But it wasn't enough.

I wish it wasn't like this.  I wish we didn't realize what we had until it's gone.  I wish our hearts would mourn for our loved ones' presence, even if we know we'll be seeing them in a few hours.  I mean, sure, we sometimes feel that way, but I wish it was constant, to the point where we just call and tell that person we love them and are always happy when they're around.  I wish we would just openly express that to one another without any "awkward turtles"; I wish each person in our life, no matter how minuscule their impact, could just be aware that they are loved and appreciated by you.


Emma Lucy Bay, I LOVE YOU.  I MISS YOU.  MY HEART ACHES BECAUSE YOUR BEAUTIFUL LAUGH WILL NOT BE HEARD FOR A WHOLE NINE MONTHS.  I LOVE YOU.  I LOVE YOU.  I LOVE YOU, GAW-JUS.

I Stand All Amazed

Saturday, September 4, 2010

-crawls out from hole of busy-ness-

These past two weeks have been hectic, and I apologize for being so suspenseful in my last post about what I did in Utah.

All that really needs to be said is it was a powerful week full of love and beauty.  Love from my family, from my friends, from my Savior and Heavenly Father, and love from my brothers and sisters.  It's such an amazing thing to me that a man or a woman can walk into a room full of strangers, and proclaim their love to them, sincerely.  It's not a false exclamation that runs from one ear, out the other.  It's deeply embedded from the heart of another.  I really believe that every time a speaker at Education Week said that they loved those in the audience, they meant it.  It was true.  It was real.  It was that exact understanding that all of those people staring back at her or him were their brothers and their sisters who love them back.

[Yes, we rode a couple of lifts during our time in Utah.  Haha.  Once, when we went hiking in Sundance, and another time when we did the Alpine Slide in Park City.]
Utah is so beautiful to me.  I've traveled a lot in these past couple of years for vacations and family visits, but none of those places had the same beauty as Utah.  You can actually feel its beauty.  The beauty of the people.   The way the sun reflects off of the mountains as it sets.  The sincere smile in every cashiers eyes as they give you your change.  I really think it had a lot to do with the history of the place and those who live on through that history.  I have gained a strong love and gratefulness to the Pioneers.  When I'm faced with temporal sadness or struggle I'm reminded of their pains, their persecution, and even their deaths.

My family and friends there made the whole experience even more uplifting.  The last time I spent time there with my Aunt and Uncle, I didn't really have the ability to have a meaningful conversation with an adult.  It made such a difference to be able to openly talk to my Aunt Shelley and Uncle Kenny.  I mean, sure, the last time they came to Florida wasn't all that long ago, but the fact that it was just us four (that includes my mom) made all the difference.  I love them so much.

The time I got to spend with Abby and Hernando just...it was just so priceless.  I got to go inside the Salt Lake City Temple for the first time.  My  mom and I got to share that with Abby, and it probably would not have been the same if we didn't get to share that experience with her.  I mean, they obviously had to leave me, because I can only do baptisms, and they did a session, but just the fact that I had her face to look forward to after we were all finished was amazing.

[These were from our first day there.  I, sadly, did not get any pictures on the day we actually went inside.  I also apologize for the lack of reverence shown in the third picture.  Afterwards, my mom was like, "Um, maybe we shouldn't be so disrespectful/irreverent."]

I even got to talk to two sets of sister missionaries while I was waiting for them.  I told both sets how I was the only member at my school these past two years, and about my missionary experiences.  I gave them the number of my friend, Adam, who seems to have been the most interested in the Gospel.  They called him, and he was busy both times, but he did say he admired how passionate the sister missionary was about her beliefs, which really increased my want to be a missionary.

My time in Utah and my being able to see Nathanael given the Melchezidek priesthood, could not have better prepared me for the spiritual things I was to experience soon after.

I'm so grateful for this Gospel and the time I got to spend in Utah strengthening my testimony of it.  I'm so grateful for my family and my friends and their love for me, and those who are members' love for our Savior and Heavenly Father.


I'm so thankful that my mother proposed the idea of Education Week to me.  My heart and testimony have grown so much because of it.

P.S. We.  Love.  Utah.  Grass.


 
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