Today, I spent the morning and most of the afternoon with friends, laughter, healing, good food, a cute baby, and a slobbery dog.

Last night was Robin's Florida viewing and funeral.  It was probably the most difficult thing I've ever been through.  I can't pinpoint why this pain has just been punching me, leaving me winded.  Robin is safe, she's complete, and healed.  She is completely happy and doing what she loves -- serving her Heavenly Father and following her Savior.  I was happy to see her family accepting and happy.  I know I'm going to see her again.  Maybe I am yearning for that view of eternity that my Heavenly Father (and now, Robin) has or maybe I just am letting selfishness overtake me and allowing myself to wish that she was still here to help me strive to become the earthly angel that she was.

Whatever it may be, I was glad to not be alone in whatever it is I've been feeling, yesterday.  I was surrounded by people who have known me and have loved me throughout my life -- whether they just entered it or they have been in it since Barnie was my favorite past time.  I was greeted with a hug at every corner.

I was not alone today when Emma, Molly, Rebecca, Ruby, Momo, and I spent the afternoon picnicing on Kingsley Plantation.  The plan was to go to Davis Park (in honor of Robin's last name), but the park didn't allow dogs, and we couldn't have complete happiness without our Momo.  I'm not sure that there is anything else that I needed today besides those precious, perfect moments with those wonderful people I am blessed to call my friends.  I somewhat wanted to just crawl into my mommy's arms today and continue to release the pain, but I think I ultimately wouldn't have made it out of bed had I let myself do that.  I needed to be carried away from my thoughts, and be consumed in them all at once today, and that's what I got.

Today was a day in which my wounds were vulnerable and completely exposed, but somehow the edges were healed -- not completely, but it was an almost feeling.

A Beautiful Daughter of God

I have had a wonderful past few months.  Time with family and friends was an abundant element of my non-existent calendar; school is really good (for the most part); church is more and more uplifting and comforting each time I go.

Wednesday, my grandma came home from a trip of visiting a friend of hers that used to be in our ward, and gave me crushing news.  My friend, my Young Women leader and a faithful daughter of God, Robin Davis, had passed away earlier that day.

The shock did not set in until I got to church and I was surrounded by a room full of people I loved, just devastated (not to say that my grandma wasn't devastated, but the information did not sink in until I was in that room).

I have felt -- for lack of a better word, and to use a cliche -- somewhat numb.  I know my Savior and Heavenly Father have provided freedom for Robin.  She was so sick and hurting (she had cystic fibrosis) and she was fighting so hard to stay alive, get the transplant she needed, and be there with her husband and family for as long as possible.  I felt a little selfish being so sad and missing her so much.  I felt like I had been cheated of time that I wanted to have with her, to tell her how beautiful she was and how incredibly blessed I was to know her and to have her testimony, and strength, and complete love for life, in my life.  I now know, thanks to a wonderful friend (Emma), that she knows.  She knows how much she has meant to the lives of so many people and how she just warmed everyone's hearts.  She now knows how her special spirit made others' spirits feel so uplifted and so important.  She had a tremendous testimony that was truly unique and a heart that was and continues to be incomparable to any other.

I keep trying to keep myself busy and not think about things.  Please, pray for her incredible family, reader.  Pray for her wonderful husband and her mother and just her entire family and her friends.  She has touched so many people and I'm so glad I got to be one of them.