There are a lot of women in this world that I aspire to be, but there is one on the other side of the veil that I can only dream of becoming anything like.  A year ago today the most beautiful daughter of God I have ever met returned to her home in Heaven, from from the illness that was a part of her entire life, but that she never let define her life.

I often think of her on my dimmer days; I think of how she quite literally lit up a room.  She was and continues to be the most genuine and caring human being I have ever met.  I cannot even eloquently describe the impact she had on so many in her tiny life here on earth in her tiny earthly body.  It was a privilege I will never truly deserve to have had her in my life to inspire me and to show me what potential I have and how important each and every one of us are.  Her compliments came often and were never insincere. Her laugh was contagious and her testimony was inspiring to say the least.  Sometimes I still go back to my old journals that have notes from her lessons and I cannot help to cry, not because I am saddened, but that I am grateful to have known an angel.

I know she is bringing about her Heavenly Father's work on the other side, just as she did on this side of the veil.  There are days when I miss her so much and I just want to talk to her about everything and nothing all at once, but I know she is safe and I  know she is so very happy.  Heavenly Father blessed me more than I will ever deserve by placing Robin and her husband in my life.  Yet another thing I will be forever indebted to Him for; yet another reason I have to be grateful.

"And Jesus listening can hear,

The songs I cannot sing."

Hallmark Card

It's always a bright and shining moment when you're making a snowman on your roommate's car to surprise her and she and her boyfriend walk out of your dorm, thinking someone is trying to hijack her car.

Yes, my beloveds.  It snowed today.  The first real, non-slushy snow.  Not only did it snow today, but it snowed ALL day.  No stops for nothin'.  It was like all my dreams had come true (plus, I saw Brave for the first time, which means all my dreams did come true).  I got hot chocolate mix just as the grocery store was closing and I called my best friend back home.  He described what I was expressing as an "elated rapture" of sorts.  That is exactly what took place.

As previously stated, Christmas is my absolute favorite of the holidays.  It has a magic and a unique beauty to it that no other holidays quite express for me.  The only piece of Christmas that I have never been able to experience, though, has been that wonder that is the floating ice that dances across the sky and makes its way down to earth to cover it with a glistening white blanket; each stitch filled with a gentle joy.  Snow.

(I feel like I just wrote a Hallmark card.)

The only other times I have ever experienced snow have meant slushies of water, but this was different.  This was completely different.

I saw it.  I literally frolicked in it, and -- I promise you -- woodland creatures were singing as I did so.  It was incredible.  I am five years old and it was incredible.  It took everything within me not to plop down and make a snow angel right then and there.

As I stood ankle-deep in snow for an hour or so tonight, just marveling at this heaven-sent wonder, everything was beautiful in the world.  It was illuminated with a comfort.  All was well.

Lead, Kindly Light

This song is ringing true to my heart today.  Our Heavenly Father's view is always greater than ours.  If we just trust Him and put our life in His and Christ's hands, they will lead us to the place that will bring the greatest peace and an amount of joy that is incomprehensible to our mortal view.

My favorite version:



1. Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

2. I was not ever thus, nor pray’d that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path;but now,
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will.
Remember not past years.

(3. So long thy pow’r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!)

6 Weeks, 3 Days

I love holidays in general by an abnormal amount.  You can usually find me on Valentine's Day wearing blinding amounts of red; my Halloween costume is usually planned about eleven months in advance; and I may not pinch you on St. Patty's day when you're not wearing green, but be prepared for some traumatizing scolding.  Of all the holidays, though, Christmas is my absolute favorite.   I just feel this sense of magic once December roles around and the world is alighted, literally and figuratively.  It's also a celebration of one of my favorite people to ever exist, the Savior of the World.

However, Christmas takes on a whole new meaning this year.  I will have been away from home for six months (HALF A YEAR) almost to the date as I fly in to Jacksonville's airport.  I will be reunited with my childhood, and the best part of my childhood: my best friend, my mom.  I will be reunited with the wonderfully awful humidity and the sounds of the city.  I will be able, for a brief moment in time, to escape from the realities of "growing up" and become the me that I was for seventeen of my eighteen years.  I will be able to see friends and family that I haven't seen for an eternity.  I will be able to hear terrible grammar and be fond of it. I will be able to walk into a real WalMart where I fear for my life.  The street crossing buttons won't be weird and I will have the smell of the sea just a few miles away.

I am living for that day, six weeks and 3 days away, where I will be reunited with home.  My home.