Tomorrow I am going to the happiest place on Earth.  I am so grateful.



I know with absolute assurety that my Redeemer lives and that He loves me and knows me with an exactness.

“Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world. …

“And when they had all gone forth and had witnessed for themselves, they did cry out with one accord, saying:

“Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God! And they did fall down at the feet of Jesus, and did worship him.” - 3 Nephi 11:7-11, 14, 16-17

"...God our Father has ears with which to hear our prayers. He has eyes with which to see our actions. He has a mouth with which to speak to us. He has a heart with which to feel compassion and love. He is real. He is living. We are his children, made in his image. We look like him, and he looks like us." - President Thomas S. Monson

My lullaby for tonight, reader.

On A More Serious Note

Hello, reader.  This is going to be a slightly less entertaining and much more vague post.

Throughout the entirety of my sixteen years, nine months, and thirteen days of life I have dealt with and seen more of the world (figuratively and literally) than people twice my age.  This is not something I brag about or something that I consider worth bragging about.  It is merely a fact.

I can think of eight states and two countries that I have been to other than my own, and I've probably been to even more than that.  I can give you vivid descriptions of the effects drugs can have on a person and that person's family.  I can tell you signs of conditions and diseases that you probably have never heard of, but that I grew up with.  These, again, are not things I care to talk about.  They are not things that will bring sunshine and pretty babies into others lives or my own.  These are things that will bring me back to that time.  To those moments that I didn't know if they were going to be back to normal tomorrow; to the fear I felt as a child not wanting to be taken just yet; to the heartbreak when he didn't show.

So, how do we humans, as fragile and timid as our beings are, go on?  How do we press forward?  How do we endure?  For some, it is the love and mercy of religion.  For others, it is the hope of a better tomorrow, but how is that ever enough for us?  How are we, as a species that seems to be so difficult to bring together at times, so united under the perseverance of life?  And how about those who struggle or fail to persevere?  Why couldn't they find that motivation within to play along for a sad day with the understanding that tomorrow would always come?

My heart aches today for the past and future.

I miss him.  He is gone forever.  He was supposed to be there.  He was supposed to learn my favorite songs and sing them to me throughout the rest of eternity.  I don't know how to bring him back.  I don't know how to bring him home.

That adorable angel was supposed to be hers forever.  She was supposed to be blessed to keep him.  She was supposed to be rewarded for her faith and her endurance to her breaking point.  They were not supposed to have him back.  They were supposed to understand that they weren't ready, and that they would probably never be ready.

Why do we kid ourselves with these notions?  It is the Lord's will, I know.  Others don't.  I wish they did.  It gives me such happiness and peace to always have had that thought ringing true in my heart.  Sometimes, I just wish my view was as clear as His.

Today was tragic, reader.  The happiness of the morning soon evaporated along with the dew.

Jazmin Sad

I am sad, reader.

My mom and grandma are watching The King's Speech.

We have all wanted to see it ever since we first heard about it, but never did because it was rated R.  Despite a bazillion people telling us there was no real reason for it to be rated R and it was perfectly appropriate, we stuck to our guns.

Well, just before it came out the other day, they decided to change the rating to PG-13.  We immediately got it from a nearby Red Box.

Something you should know is that my mother, grandmother, and I share a love for English-historical movies, most especially English-historical movies starring Colin Firth.

I told my grandma I had too much homework to watch it tonight, and she said, "Okay, there's always tomorrow."  Then, I hear the TV turn on.  Next, my mother asks me if the woman who plays Colin's wife is Bellatrix.

...I am sad, reader.

These are my pearls, God's treasures unfurled

Tonight was the Easter program for the youth in my stake.  It was so beautiful.  Tears were on the verge about every other second for me.  I realized tonight that all of my favorite hymns center around the Savior's example and being gracious for His love and willingness to sacrifice Himself for my and your eternal happiness.  I love Him so much.  I love Sundays like these.

A poor, wayfaring Man of grief

Hath often crossed me on my way,
Who sued so humbly for relief
That I could never answer nay.
I had not pow’r to ask his name,
Whereto he went, or whence he came;
Yet there was something in his eye
That won my love; I knew not why.

Once, when my scanty meal was spread,
He entered; not a word he spake,
Just perishing for want of bread.
I gave him all; he blessed it, brake,
And ate, but gave me part again.
Mine was an angel’s portion then,
For while I fed with eager haste,
The crust was manna to my taste.

I spied him where a fountain burst
Clear from the rock; his strength was gone.
The heedless water mocked his thirst;
He heard it, saw it hurrying on.
I ran and raised the suff’rer up;
Thrice from the stream he drained my cup,
Dipped and returned it running o’er;
I drank and never thirsted more.

’Twas night; the floods were out; it blew
A winter hurricane aloof.
I heard his voice abroad and flew
To bid him welcome to my roof.
I warmed and clothed and cheered my guest
And laid him on my couch to rest,
Then made the earth my bed and seemed
In Eden’s garden while I dreamed.

Stript, wounded, beaten nigh to death,
I found him by the highway side.
I roused his pulse, brought back his breath,
Revived his spirit, and supplied
Wine, oil, refreshment—he was healed.
I had myself a wound concealed,
But from that hour forgot the smart,
And peace bound up my broken heart.

In pris’n I saw him next, condemned
To meet a traitor’s doom at morn.
The tide of lying tongues I stemmed,
And honored him ’mid shame and scorn.
My friendship’s utmost zeal to try,
He asked if I for him would die.
The flesh was weak; my blood ran chill,
But my free spirit cried, “I will!”

Then in a moment to my view
The stranger started from disguise.
The tokens in his hands I knew;
The Savior stood before mine eyes.
He spake, and my poor name he named,
“Of me thou hast not been ashamed.
These deeds shall thy memorial be;
Fear not, thou didst them unto me

Boop

Too many things.  Too many life/time-consuming things.

So, welcome to BAEDA (Blog ALMOST Every Day in April).  I'm your host, Procrastination Pants.

I'm doing too many things at once right now.  I'm writing a script for my Etymology video project.  I have Doctor Who waiting for me in one of my internet's tabs.  I just finished annotating my video FOR THE SECOND TIME.

The first time included me annotating for about fourty-five minutes before realizing that I was annotating the version of the video that was edited wrong.  If you are not familiar with Youtube jargon, just know that annotating a video can be very tedious work at times, especially if your entire video contains annotations for specific parts of the screen throughout the entire video.

NOTMAKINGSENSE. NOTMAKINGSENSE.

Also!  Also!  Also, my cousin is staying with us again this week, because he goes to the community college here, but he doesn't live in this town.  He plays the same song on the piano everytime he comes, and this time has been no exception.  It makes me want to scream, "KILL THE SPARE!"  But then, I remember he's my cousin and I love him.  I don't like using conjunctions at the beginning of sentences.

Tomorrow is Emma Lucy's birthday.  She's my friend, and she lives too far away.  I want to send her things of love and happiness, but I'm afraid it will get stolen/broken/demolished/sent to Hades half way there.

My brain has died, reader.  That is all.

Nicknames

So, let's talk nicknames.

On my mom's side, I'm known as Jazer.  My mom's mom (my grandma) calls me Jazy.

On my dad's side, on my old softball team, a lot of my close friends, and a few teachers know me as Jaz.

My dad used to and still sometimes called me Baby Sweetheart.

My best friend, Gabby, has called me Cookie, Jason, Jason Jasonson, Jaz, Boojie, Boojie Williams, and many other names over the years.

My other best friend, Casey, has christened me with Mouflon (granted, I call her that more than she calls me that...that was weird), Curly Buttcheeks, Grandma Kong, and many others that don't particularly make sense, unless you live inside the mind that is Casey's or are around it long enough to vaguely understand.

What are some of your nicknames, reader?

Being Original

So, I kind of missed not one, but TWO days of BEDA.  Wupz.  I have no excuse, except exhaustion or lack of interesting things to talk about.

I've gotten nervous about what I post on my Youtube ever since Playlist Live.  A girl named Molly started following my blog today, too.  So, that kind of made me even more nervous.  I obviously shouldn't care what others think of me, which I don't to an extent, but I can't help it.  Meh.

Last night, my madre and I went to the Town Center.  We went to MovieStop because they are having a Disney Sale.  We got Monsters Inc., Little Princess, Attack of the Clones, and The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe for $25 altogether.  I thought it was pretty nifty.  I really wanted just about everything they had, but not everything was super duper on sale.  My mom and I have this sort of innate rule that nothing is really on sale unless it's at least fourty percent off.

We ended up running into my cousin Ian and his family at Joann's, so we had dinner together at The Cheesecake Factory.  'Twas delicious.  I really missed him and his wife, Heather (and their rugrats, of course).

Tonight we have a fundraiser at church for our youth's summer programs.  I have to make some goodies for the bake sale/auction thing.  I am making le brownies.

I had a really vivid, long dream about a zombie apocalypse last night.  I've actually been inspired by it to write a novel.  It's been way too long since I've written one.  I just haven't been super inspired.  I've been kind of laughing at myself for being so serious about it.  I mean, come on, zombies?  Really?  I couldn't have come up with something more realistic/relatable?  So, we'll see how that goes.

What have you been up to these passed two days, reader?

Last google search: "how to kill a zombie" and "star wars episode 2"
Songs heard while writing post: I Want to Break Free by Queen, You Are the Girl by The Cars, and Go Do by Jonsi

Awesomesauce

So, today I did the cliche Youtube dance party video.  'Twas fun.

It's 11:59pm, reader.

Brain Hurt

So, my homework is somehow being done right now.  Well, not right now, but merely moments ago I assure you it was being done.  I say "somehow" being done because I am sleep-deprived.  Before Spring Break, I was on my ideal sleeping schedule.  Naps were seldom required and I got things done.  Then, that all came to a crash kaboom when I stayed up until about 1am packing for Playlist Live.

I moved a bunch of food storage to and from my grandma's car and storage unit.  So, that was a workout.  My body is probably going to hate me tomorrow, but whatevs.

I then went to the orthodonist and I think I actually had the thought of falling asleep in the chair when I was waiting for Dr. Anderson to inspect the metal-plastic devices he tells me to keep wearing to keep my teeth from going back to under-bites, cross-bites, and an uneven jaw.

My mom told me I couldn't go to sleep until 8pm.  Even though I explained to her that I had homework to do, and if I could just take a thirty minute nap, I could get through the homework awaiting my aching body, she wouldn't budge.

We then went for a walk because I no longer have gym, but health every day, which creates a problem of lack of exercise.  I just used the word "of" a lot.  My bad.

My brain hates me right now.  It's aching and pulsating with a plea of slumber, but alas, AP U.S. History, Pre-Calculus, AND FCAT Science practice calls, and I must answer if I want to get straight A's this quarter.

(Also, reading the chapter for Health, but I probably won't until the day before the test, because it's kind of obvious that procrastination is my thing.)

I'll probably read this later and wonder if someone spiked my Diet Coke that I got from Chick Fil A.

I hope your sleeping habits are in much better shape than mine.  No one deserves this agony, reader.

Youtube in my Life

So, procrastination and I have a pretty tight-knit relationship.  We never let each other down.   Hence my writing this post at 10:57pm.  I actually don't have a topic planned out.  So, this should be fun.

I recently attended Playlist Live.  At first, the level of awkwardness was nauseating as my friend, Alexis, and I approached Hayley Hoover, Jason Munday, and Mike Lombardo for a picture, but after that, it got progressively easier to talk to these people that I have admired for the passed two and a half years.  I actually had a great conversation with Hayley the next day that lasted about fifteen minutes.  I felt like it atoned for the day before's embarrassing encounter with her.

What I love about Youtube is that the people you admire are actually tangible in the sense that it's not exactly impossible for you to meet and form friendships with them.  I think that has a lot to do with the fact that these people are actually genuine and sincere.  They are open to friendships that form through internet-relations and don't think that everyone that wants to talk to them on the internet is a rapist.

The more I have gotten into Youtube, the more I've been more accepting of people, especially through the Nerdfighter community.  I think it's also helped me to seek out friends that are more accepting and understanding of me and my lifestyle.

My friend from Playlist, Ruth, posted a video today for her VEDA talking about the oddity that Youtubing is to those who are not a part of the community.  I can honestly say that I have never felt like an outcast for my involvement with the Youtube community, both when I didn't make videos and when I did.  My friends at school and church and my family have all been very supportive and kind of involved with my Youtube channel.  It's really an awesome thing, especially when I need advice on how to better my videos, when I'm coming up with new ideas, or when I want to do something that's more collaborative.  Not all of those ideas have come into play yet, but they will;).

Until about seveth grade, my friends were actually kind of harsh (with a few exceptions, of course).  They weren't generally supportive or understanding.  Why I was friends with them is beyond me.  They were honestly more bullies than friends, but that's another story for another time.  Those "friends" used to make me feel bad for being myself.  I cannot tell you how many times I would change my opinion just for the sake of "fitting in" in a school week.  Until I found the vlogbrothers and other amazingly wonderful Youtubers, I really didn't know the type of person I was anymore because I had changed to fit the protocol of those around me so many times. 

I am so grateful for Youtube.  It has helped me to accept me.

I am so grateful for those who support my Youtube endeavors (no matter how lacking they can be in quality).  They have helped me to be more open and honest.

Happy dreams, reader:).

Few Words

So, reader.

Today was General Conference.  Today, I was moved to the point of almost-tears.  Today, my spirit was rejuvenated.  Today, I remembered my Savior's love for me.  Today, I remembered my Heavenly Father's love for me.  Today, I feel like I can take on this world with them guiding me through it.  Today was General Conference.

Melancholy Mania

So, I'm in a bit of a melancholy mood, reader.  I mean, I'm not feeling super duper down, but I'm also not feeling particularly joyous.  Everything is kind of annoying me or getting me down and I don't feel very pretty today.  That's kind of a lame thing to say.  I'm not saying I think I'm ugly, but I think "being pretty" is more of a state of mind than a physical appearance.  I'm just not in that mindset today, and I don't really like it.  It's just some sort of funk that I'm in.  I'll get over it.

I didn't do much of anything today.  I forgot that General Conference was today, so I was a heathen and missed the Saturday sessions.  We left for my uncle's house around 4:30 and ate and visited.

For those of you who don't know, my uncle and his family are moving to Tennessee.  It's a very good thing because he's got this new, amazing job, but it's also a very sad thing because they have always lived close by.  His kids (my cousins) are all near me in age and we're all very close.  My uncle is living in Tennessee right now, and the rest of the family will be moving there when school ends.  He came to visit and help get the house ready to sell last weekend, but my mom and I didn't get the chance to go see him.  He came back again this weekend, so we had dinner with them tonight.  I'm already missing him so much.  He's such an awesome father and husband (and uncle, of course).  When I think of what I want my husband to be like, I think of the attributes that my uncle possesses, because that's just how awesome he is.

Anyways, school starts again on Monday.  That may be why I'm lacking enthusiasm right now.  It also probably has something to do with the lingering post-Playlist depression.

Sweetdreams, reader.

April Fool's Day

So, it's been way too freaking long since I've written a blog post.  I feel like I'm in some foreign land where I don't speak the native language.

Happy April, reader.  In Youtubeland, April 1st means the start of VEDA (Vlog Every Day in April).  Since I will already be vlogging everyday in April, I thought I'd do my everyday thing Maureen Johnson/Kristina Horner style...BLOGGING Every Day in April.  I might regret this by the end of the month, though.  Looking back on some of my old posts, I've come to the conclusion that what I think is the most articulate and well-explained thought now will make no sense whatsoever in the future.  So, this should be fun.

Today is also April Fool's Day.  It's also also my Aunt April's birthday.  I have always associated the date with the latter more than the former.  I don't know why.  I was always kind of annoyed with the fact that there was an actual day designated to pull pranks, which just completely dropped the sense of surprise intended.  It's also very possible that I stopped enjoying April Fool's Day after seeing that Spongebob episode where Squidward pulls that super harsh prank on Spongebob.  Funnily enough, I watched that episode today with my best friend, Gabby.  I got her the first season of Spongebob for her birthday, and I hadn't been able to get it to her until last night.  I spent the night at her house and we watched the little yellow square all night and most of this morning.

Also, I suck at pranks.  So, that's probably the definitive reason for me not liking April Fool's Day.

I missed this, reader.