I'm having a teensy bit of trouble ignoring the hollow, aching feeling in the center of my chest and at the pit of my stomach. The tears haven't come yet. They've emerged, but the flood gates haven't been fully hatched just yet.
Now, if you have no idea what has been happening in my life these past few days, you have probably mistaken me for some sappy, misunderstood teenage girl who's depressed about some boy or the fact that her nail polish is chipped, or maybe the fact that no one ever seems to remember George Harrison. This is not so. However, the George Harrison thing does kind of get me down a bit when I think too hard about it. Reader, today I said goodbye to my family, a friend I've had since I was thirteen, and a friend I've had in my life since I was four. It's been a weird, long day.
This past year has been one where I have said copious amounts of goodbyes. Last summer, one of my Young Women leaders and her husband (i.e. two of my best friends) moved back to Utah and my dear friend, Emma Lucy, moved to Bosnia for the entirety of the next year. Six or so months before that, my cousin, Nathanael, left to serve the Lord on his mission in Brazil. I had a couple of friends drop out of my school (to go to other schools) throughout the year. With each time someone left, I was an emotional wreck for a good couple of days afterwards. I'd eat my ice cream, read, and break out the Keira Knightley Pride and Prejudice, but that wave of emotion doesn't seem to want to slam into me today. Today, the day I have said the most goodbyes I've ever said; the day where I actually had to say goodbye to family whose home was my second; the day I said goodbye to the girl who inspires me with every word she says; the day I said goodbye to the boy who I used to chase around after church when we were less than five feet tall. Have I became stone and hardened to these details, to these farewells I seem to constantly encounter? I am deeply sad, but my eyes are telling me otherwise. It will probably hit me in a few hours when I am consuming the cookies I made with my aunt's chocolate chips cookie supply that she gave to us when we were at her empty house, while I watch my least favorite episodes of Gilmore Girls (the beginning of the fifth season). Or maybe it will hit me now, reader...
Now, if you have no idea what has been happening in my life these past few days, you have probably mistaken me for some sappy, misunderstood teenage girl who's depressed about some boy or the fact that her nail polish is chipped, or maybe the fact that no one ever seems to remember George Harrison. This is not so. However, the George Harrison thing does kind of get me down a bit when I think too hard about it. Reader, today I said goodbye to my family, a friend I've had since I was thirteen, and a friend I've had in my life since I was four. It's been a weird, long day.
This past year has been one where I have said copious amounts of goodbyes. Last summer, one of my Young Women leaders and her husband (i.e. two of my best friends) moved back to Utah and my dear friend, Emma Lucy, moved to Bosnia for the entirety of the next year. Six or so months before that, my cousin, Nathanael, left to serve the Lord on his mission in Brazil. I had a couple of friends drop out of my school (to go to other schools) throughout the year. With each time someone left, I was an emotional wreck for a good couple of days afterwards. I'd eat my ice cream, read, and break out the Keira Knightley Pride and Prejudice, but that wave of emotion doesn't seem to want to slam into me today. Today, the day I have said the most goodbyes I've ever said; the day where I actually had to say goodbye to family whose home was my second; the day I said goodbye to the girl who inspires me with every word she says; the day I said goodbye to the boy who I used to chase around after church when we were less than five feet tall. Have I became stone and hardened to these details, to these farewells I seem to constantly encounter? I am deeply sad, but my eyes are telling me otherwise. It will probably hit me in a few hours when I am consuming the cookies I made with my aunt's chocolate chips cookie supply that she gave to us when we were at her empty house, while I watch my least favorite episodes of Gilmore Girls (the beginning of the fifth season). Or maybe it will hit me now, reader...
