This Christmas break has been a bit different for me. I was supposed to be heading back to Utah yesterday morning in the hopes of getting some hours in at work and just getting myself together before this next semester of crazy commences.  But things happen and plans change, and I am now in Nashville, Tennessee.

Last week, we got a call from my Aunt Cassandra informing us that my Uncle Wayne was in the hospital.  He has been suffering with attacks of severe stomach pain for about three years now, but the doctor he went to before just attributed it to an ulcer.  So, for three years my uncle has been treating and dealing with his stomach pain as if he had an ulcer.  When he went into the hospital last week the issue was with his gallbladder, and apparently the issue has always been with his gallbladder (there was no ulcer to be found when the doctors at the hospital did an endoscopy).  His gallbladder was removed, but when the doctor went in there, he found a whole slew of issues.

It was a scary week for all of us with new problems (for what seemed) every hour, but on Saturday he was finally moved from the ICU to the general medicine wing of the hospital.  I lost my Aunt Chris earlier this year, so this has probably been the worst experience with deja vu I've ever had.  My uncle and I are thick as thieves and to have lost him so much earlier than I'd planned would have been pretty heartbreaking.  He's one of my favorite guys and I am so grateful Heavenly Father has spared him a little longer.  Maybe that makes me a little selfish, but if selfishness means having my goofy uncle around to kick the mean boys in the shins, then I'm okay with that.

I am so grateful for all the prayers and thoughts that have been given on behalf of my family.  You always hear about people saying "my family has felt your prayers" which is great and beautiful, but I'm not sure I knew exactly what that meant until this week.  I have felt the warmth of heaven's embrace so close to me and my family during this trying time, and for that I will be forever grateful.

The Batman lives on, ladies and gents. And thank heaven for that.

Feeling

I am feeling tonight, reader.

I am feeling the age of my heart, the age of my mind, and the age of my body collapsing and colliding into clashing contrasts.  I do not want the fear of adulthood, I do not want to relive the painful naivete of my childhood, I do not want to think beyond my years anymore.  I am stuck.

My birthday and my whole last week were wonderful.  I want to instill myself into those moments over and over again until I am sick from the happiness and the love.  I do not want to be too old to feel the vibrancy and the newness of youth.  It's ridiculous how hurt and sorrowful I am feeling for this.  It's only girls camp, but it really isn't.  It is the time of each summer for the past six years that I have categorized as my time to spiritually refresh and cleanse.  It is the time where the world is put away and I am allowed to be loud about being a daughter of God and a disciple of Jesus Christ.  It is the place where I have my made my very best friends, the friends I will visit with in the eternities.  They are the people I can express every thought and feeling to and they understand precisely what I am saying and how I am feeling.  We have helped each other grow in our testimonies, and I cannot believe that that time we have been blessed with every summer, is over.  It hurts miserably for some reason.  I have shed more than a few tears, and I never realized how much those one weeks out of these six summers have meant to me.

The gospel of Christ is a gospel of love, faith, and forgiveness.  I have girls camp to thank for helping me understand these attributes and to understand my divine potential and my divine abilities.

Tonight I am missing, reader.  I am missing the part of my summer that defines me; the part where I most openly am able to express my love for my Savior, Jesus Christ and for my Heavenly Father, His gospel, and His children.