Feeling

Sunday, July 10, 2011

I am feeling tonight, reader.

I am feeling the age of my heart, the age of my mind, and the age of my body collapsing and colliding into clashing contrasts.  I do not want the fear of adulthood, I do not want to relive the painful naivete of my childhood, I do not want to think beyond my years anymore.  I am stuck.

My birthday and my whole last week were wonderful.  I want to instill myself into those moments over and over again until I am sick from the happiness and the love.  I do not want to be too old to feel the vibrancy and the newness of youth.  It's ridiculous how hurt and sorrowful I am feeling for this.  It's only girls camp, but it really isn't.  It is the time of each summer for the past six years that I have categorized as my time to spiritually refresh and cleanse.  It is the time where the world is put away and I am allowed to be loud about being a daughter of God and a disciple of Jesus Christ.  It is the place where I have my made my very best friends, the friends I will visit with in the eternities.  They are the people I can express every thought and feeling to and they understand precisely what I am saying and how I am feeling.  We have helped each other grow in our testimonies, and I cannot believe that that time we have been blessed with every summer, is over.  It hurts miserably for some reason.  I have shed more than a few tears, and I never realized how much those one weeks out of these six summers have meant to me.

The gospel of Christ is a gospel of love, faith, and forgiveness.  I have girls camp to thank for helping me understand these attributes and to understand my divine potential and my divine abilities.

Tonight I am missing, reader.  I am missing the part of my summer that defines me; the part where I most openly am able to express my love for my Savior, Jesus Christ and for my Heavenly Father, His gospel, and His children.

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