So, I have been openly opposed to thinking of myself as a near-adult for quite some time now. I honestly get these random epiphanies that go a little something like: "WHAT? I am so not in the double-digits of the age spectrum. Am I...?" It's not that I literally look at myself in the mirror and see the seven year old me with the awkward haircut and the purple overalls with blue stars on the chest pocket* staring back at me. I recognize the fact that I have now gained far more knowledge than even the big imagination-possessing mini-me couldn't dream of. I cannot even begin to describe what I am trying to say. I think it mostly has to do with the little-me mindset of everything will be different and big and amazing when I finally become a "grown up." While my life has been a tremendously blessed one and uniquely amazing in its own right, it has not been the one my little self thought up.
Now, don't get me wrong. I would not trade one moment of these past seventeen years for another day of awkward fashion choices or having Tiffany Rogers introduce me to the fact that some girls really are like Kate Sanders.** I just remember all the books I read and the tv shows and movies I watched that introduced me to the possibility of some grand future. Sure, these were fictional futures, but they were still possibilities nonetheless. Such grandiose living was such a foreign idea to my little bubble of a world.*** With those possibilities, my already active imagination ran wild with playing baseball with friends like those in Hey, Arnold! and somehow developing (what I thought was) the awesome sense of humor brought to me by Sister, Sister.
Rather than pondering the difficulties these characters experienced in each plotline, I only absorbed the magnificent resolution at the end -- and what I thought were the coolest wardrobes known to womankind.
As I've gotten older, part of my six year old mentality still sat in the back of my growing brain, waiting for something gloriously magnificent to happen. She has always patiently waited for that bright and shining moment when fireworks would be set off everyday and life was one big party. She never took that mentality away and said, "Wait a minute, I'm already leading that firework-filled life!" Even when I started applying to colleges, she still hung back and watched. As of late, though, with seeing how much support and love I have gained from all of these tremendous people over these past seventeen years of my existence, I think she has finally accepted the miracle and wonderment that is my life. It may not have been like any fairytale she read or watched, but it was so much better than anything any person on Earth could write. It has been a whirlwind of color, beautiful music, moving moments and words, love beyond comparison, and a tremendous growth that is perfectly my own.
I will always be a child at heart -- with my love of Disney, color, Harry Potter, and general goofiness. However, it has not been until recently that I have fully embraced this journey I am about to embark on. I have nothing to fear, reader. I have so much support and love guiding me through this. So many friends and family have lent so many compliments; so many have told me how much they admire me (me!?) in ways I didn't even think I was worthy of being admired. That support system from all around me and from Above has erased that anxiously-awaiting-for-greatness me and has given me the view that greatness has already happened, and will continue to happen from here to eternity. I'm ready, reader. I'm ready to spread my wings and give this whole "adult" thing a chance. It's so weird how ready I am. I'm the last person I would think would be ready. I'm a mommy's girl, home-body, sit-at-home-and-read-a-book-rather-than-party kind of gal, and I never thought I'd be okay with taking off into the unknown that is the "real world."**** I'm kind of freaking myself out, reader.
*OH MY GOODNESS do I miss those things! ...Or did I have them when I was eight?
**Yes, I most definitely just used a Lizzie McGuire reference. That was my childhood, reader. It was also probably the reason I had such a fantastical view of my future.
***Fun fact: It wasn't until I was about ten that I actually completely comprehended the fact that there were other places and people in the world that did not operate around my own existence.
****I told my parents on multiple occasions that I would be living with them until I was 21. Sometimes it was even 34. No joke.
Now, don't get me wrong. I would not trade one moment of these past seventeen years for another day of awkward fashion choices or having Tiffany Rogers introduce me to the fact that some girls really are like Kate Sanders.** I just remember all the books I read and the tv shows and movies I watched that introduced me to the possibility of some grand future. Sure, these were fictional futures, but they were still possibilities nonetheless. Such grandiose living was such a foreign idea to my little bubble of a world.*** With those possibilities, my already active imagination ran wild with playing baseball with friends like those in Hey, Arnold! and somehow developing (what I thought was) the awesome sense of humor brought to me by Sister, Sister.
Rather than pondering the difficulties these characters experienced in each plotline, I only absorbed the magnificent resolution at the end -- and what I thought were the coolest wardrobes known to womankind.
As I've gotten older, part of my six year old mentality still sat in the back of my growing brain, waiting for something gloriously magnificent to happen. She has always patiently waited for that bright and shining moment when fireworks would be set off everyday and life was one big party. She never took that mentality away and said, "Wait a minute, I'm already leading that firework-filled life!" Even when I started applying to colleges, she still hung back and watched. As of late, though, with seeing how much support and love I have gained from all of these tremendous people over these past seventeen years of my existence, I think she has finally accepted the miracle and wonderment that is my life. It may not have been like any fairytale she read or watched, but it was so much better than anything any person on Earth could write. It has been a whirlwind of color, beautiful music, moving moments and words, love beyond comparison, and a tremendous growth that is perfectly my own.
I will always be a child at heart -- with my love of Disney, color, Harry Potter, and general goofiness. However, it has not been until recently that I have fully embraced this journey I am about to embark on. I have nothing to fear, reader. I have so much support and love guiding me through this. So many friends and family have lent so many compliments; so many have told me how much they admire me (me!?) in ways I didn't even think I was worthy of being admired. That support system from all around me and from Above has erased that anxiously-awaiting-for-greatness me and has given me the view that greatness has already happened, and will continue to happen from here to eternity. I'm ready, reader. I'm ready to spread my wings and give this whole "adult" thing a chance. It's so weird how ready I am. I'm the last person I would think would be ready. I'm a mommy's girl, home-body, sit-at-home-and-read-a-book-rather-than-party kind of gal, and I never thought I'd be okay with taking off into the unknown that is the "real world."**** I'm kind of freaking myself out, reader.
*OH MY GOODNESS do I miss those things! ...Or did I have them when I was eight?
**Yes, I most definitely just used a Lizzie McGuire reference. That was my childhood, reader. It was also probably the reason I had such a fantastical view of my future.
***Fun fact: It wasn't until I was about ten that I actually completely comprehended the fact that there were other places and people in the world that did not operate around my own existence.
****I told my parents on multiple occasions that I would be living with them until I was 21. Sometimes it was even 34. No joke.
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